Andrew Parsons: Wife Murderer but still a "Good Father"

This has been cross-posted on Everyday Victim Blaming Project

Andrew Parsons has been found guilty and sentenced to life in prison for the brutal murder of his wife Janee Parsons. Andrew murdered his wife in front of their young son. The murder was captured on a dictation machine that Andrew had hidden under Janee's bed to spy on her. He stalked his wife and then he murdered Janee.

Janee's crime: having an affair and ending her marriage to Andrew. Andrew murdered Janee because she ended their relationship. Yet, the judge, Patrick Eccles, summation includes the following phrases:

"You were overwhelmed in my judgement by jealous rage.

"Nobody can predict the psychological harm which will be significant to your son.

"You were and no doubt are a good father, you will suffer for the rest of your life knowing the harm you have caused to them."

Eccles has not only excused Andrew's violence by labelling it "jealousy" and, therefore, abnormal, he has also chosen to claim that Andrew was a "good father". Jealous men are not good fathers. Good fathers do not murder their former partners in front of their children. Any man who chooses to abuse or murder his (former) partner is not a "good" father. He is a violent man.

Andrew Parsons lawyer, who at least should be expected to engage in victim-blaming, claimed that Parsons was "clinically depressed" and under "extreme pressure". Many people are clinically depressed and under extreme pressure and they do not murder their (former) partners.

Janee Parsons was brutally murdered by her former husband, yet the judge has implied that it is her fault for making Andrew jealous.

There are no excuses for violence.

Jealousy is used as an excuse to diminish men's responsibility for their violence.

Jealousy is used as a way of blaming women for their brutal murder at the hands of violent current or former partners.

Janee Parsons was brutally murdered. Her son saw his mother being murdered. They are the victims of this crime; not Andrew.

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#DickheadDetox: Aaron Carter's #tipsforgirls

Aaron Carter, the Dude internationally reknown as the little brother of some other dude from some boyband from way back when, has taken to twitter to reveal his dating #tipsforgirls.

Bless his cotton socks, these are the pearls of wisdom from The Younger Brother of What's His Pickle:

Aaron Carter ‏@AARONCARTER16h Confident woman are sexy to any man. Don't pretend to be someone your not just to please a man. #TipsForGirls 

Aaron Carter ‏@AARONCARTER17h Be Approachable- men don't like rejection- a woman with an attitude to her look will scare a man away. #tipsforgirls 

Aaron Carter ‏@AARONCARTER17h A woman's appearance is a weapon to attracting a man- always look your best ( neatness, clothes,hair ,makeup,scent,etc... #tipsforgirls

I can not think Aaron enough for bringing these pearls to our attention, sometimes I actually forget that we live in a culture where women's value is based entirely on their ability to pass the Patriarchal Fuckability Test. I forget that women's intelligence and love is completely irrelevant unless they are white, blonde,  and thin. I forget that women have to ensure that their behaviour and appearance are pleasing at all times. God forbid, we hurt men's feelings but not actually wanting to fuck them. 

We must always be approachable; even when we don't want to be approached because men's feelings are more important than women's safety and bodily autonomy.

Some genius has suggested that Aaron write a book about his #tipsforgirls. No one try to dissuade him from this policy; just imagine the hilarity it would cause on twitter.

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Another week, Another Family Annihilator.

Another man murders his children but it's okay because he was upset about being separated from his mother. 

A five year old girl and a ten year old boy were killed by their father. That is the story. 

A father murdered his own children. A father slit the throats of the two people he was supposed to love and care for above all else. 

A father killed the two people he should have protected from violence. 

Currently, the identities of the father and the two children he brutally killed are not being released but we do that the man was British. We know that he separated from his wife three years ago. We know the relationship ended due to domestic violence. We know that he only had supervised contact with his children until this weekend. We know that the very first time this father had his children unsupervised, he murdered them. 

This is yet another example of a family annihilator punishing his ex-partner by murdering their children. Like Ceri Fuller, Gavin Hall, Mohammed Riaz, and Michael Pederson, this case is just another example of a family annihilator. It is another familiar tale of male violence.  

Yet, the media already seeks to excuse his violence by claiming he was "upset" about being separated from their mother. Neighbours are claiming he "drank too much", whether or not that is true remains to be seen but we do know he brutally murdered his children. 

There are no excuses for killing children. Divorce is not an excuse. An affair is not an excuse.

Men who kill their children do so because they choose to; because they believe they own their children. Make no mistake, this is a male crime. Karen Ingala Smith has analysed the children murdered in 2012 in the UK. Her research clearly points to this being a case of male violence, but we already knew that. 

We know this is a story of male violence. We just don't want to talk about it. Instead, we make excuses for these men. We blame their ex-partners for ending the relationship. We blame the economy for these men losing their jobs. We blame everyone but the men who choose to murder their children.

As long we continue pretending that this is not about male violence, more children and women will continue to die at the hands of violent men. We can talk about a "crisis in masculinity" because men are upset about not being "breadwinners" and call for a return to an ahistorical concept of capitalism which has existed for less than 150 years in industrialised nations but we can't discuss male violence.

Instead, we blame women for the actions of men. 

Two children were brutally murdered by their father. That is the story. 

Their mother deserves to grieve in peace without the media blaming her for having the temerity to end her relationship with the father of her children.

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Apparently, murdering your wife is not a sufficient reason to lose custody of your children.

Neil Ellerbeck murdered his wife Kate Ellerbeck on November 14th, 2008. Kate received 43 separate injuries in the attack before being strangled to death. Neil was sentenced to 8 years in prison for "manslaughter".  The jury cleared him of murder "on the basis of lack of intent to cause serious harm"; 43 separate injuries which lead to her death but it was still judged a "lack of intent to cause serious harm". How did we get to a point where 43 separate injuries leading to death aren't considered intent to cause serious harm? 

Neil's responsibility for the murder of Kate was minimised by the press in a myriad of ways, with their obsession over Kate's affairs whilst simultaneously downplaying Neil's own affair. The Telegraph and Daily Mail were both obsessed with how much money Neil earned as an investment banker, as if being a rich white man was more important than his status as a murderer. The very obvious  signs of domestic violence were ignored and the quite clear indicator of Neil's potential to physical violence downplayed. Neil was tracking his wife's movements. He was recording her conversations. Jealously and controlling behaviour are obvious indicators of a propensity to violence, yet these were minimised in the media. 

This is, apparently, part of the Judge's statement at sentencing: 

'We have studied and dissected a marriage which was obviously in terminal decline. It should have ended in separation and divorce. Tragically it ended in death. 

'The jury have found that you did not intend to kill or cause really serious harm during the long eruption of violence which ended in her death. 

'You achieved a great deal in your life, but it is plain to me there was a darker side of your character - the secretive obsessively jealous husband who spied on his wife, invaded her privacy and contributed to the unhappiness in the final months and years of her life. 

'A husband who knew divorce was coming and would go to almost any length to prevent that from happening.  

'You squirreled money away intending to keep it from your wife. It was the darker side to your character that boiled over. 

'I am sure you intended some harm to your wife albeit not serious harm. I am sure your anger and frustration erupted that morning when it became clear your wife was serious about divorce and it was then you applied constant and deliberate pressure to her neck.'

Neil was sentenced to eight years for the murder of his wife. He served four before being released. He is now living in his former home with his two children. He murdered their mother and only spent 4 years in prison. He now has access to his million dollar home. He has custody of his children. A man who brutally murdered his wife because she asked for a divorce is now living in their former home with their children. 

Because, murdering their mother in anger doesn't constitute a significant risk to the children's lives. 

Because, a middle class white man who violently murdered a woman shouldn't lose custody of his children. 

Because, a middle class white man couldn't possibly be a risk to his children. After all, no middle class white man has ever murdered his children.

Because, a middle class white man with a clear history of domestic violence against his partner couldn't possibly be a risk to his children. 

The facts that he has already abused the children by forcing them to live in the house where he was abusing their mother, that he has already committed child abuse by killing their mother, and the fact that he is continuing to abuse his children by forcing them to live in the house where he killed their mother with him are all, well, just irrelevant really. 

Instead, he gets to move back into his expensive house and pretend that he hasn't already destroyed the lives of his children. 

Welcome to the Patriarchy: where women and children don't matter. 

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Another Example of Why The Term "Pro-Life" is Deeply Offensive

In the too little, too late category, two investigations have been opened into the PREVENTABLE death of Savita Halappanavar (31) who was denied a life-saving abortion in Ireland;  you know, the ONLY type of abortion legally available in Ireland. Yet, Halappanavar was denied an abortion to save her life despite the fact that she was miscarrying.  Halappanavar was denied an abortion for 3 days despite repeatedly asking and with the knowledge that the foetus had no chance of survival because her doctors made the decision to deny her a life-saving treatment. Instead, Halappanavar died of septicaemia. 

I can not adequately express how unbelievably angry this makes me. I hate anti-choicers and I am sick of them prancing about calling themselves "pro-life". They aren't pro-life. They are hypocritical woman-hating, uterus-controlling anti-choicers and they deserve neither our respect nor our time.

It is just another form of Violence against Women. 

It is just another front in the War on Women

Please join Abortion Rights so that we can continue campaigning to prevent more women from dying because of religious intolerance and medical arrogance. Every woman has the right to an abortion when they need it. No one has the right to deny women this choice.

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