White Dude Has Tantrum As Woman Behaves Inappropriately

I was screencapping the abuse directed at Caroline Criado-perez when I came across the following conversation. It still making me giggle: the misogyny, the arrogance, the entitlement and the sheer gaul of this man [who I've never of before] telling off Criado-Perez for not behaving as he thought she should is just unbelievable. 

Hanrahan had a mini tantrum on twitter because Criado-Perez didn't boycott twitter on the day that Caitlin Moran decided everyone should boycott twitter because of misogynistic abuse directed at Criado-Perez. Now, I get that this is a little bit complicated but I missed the memo where  Moran got to decide what other feminists did or did not do on their Sunday. I definitely saw Moran calling for a boycott. I don't remember Moran pulling a sermon on the Mount thing and threatening all women to participate on pain of death by lightening.

But, hey, Hanrahan didn't let the little fact that Criado-Perez was clear that she did not want to participate in the boycott stop him from whining about her ungrateful behaviour. Honestly, he did everything but demand Criado-Perez sit in the naughty corner with a dunces hat. 

The tweets below aren't in proper order but the essence of his whining is quite clear:

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Twitter, Trolling and Misogynistic Abuse (trigger warning for content)

This was originally published on the Feminist & Women's Studies Association of the UK blog.

Violent threats of physical and sexual violence and general abusive messages are a common occurrence for women online. Identifying as a feminist makes women more visible targets for abuse. As a member of Mumsnet, I have received a death threat from a member of Fathers4Justice who suggested I needed to be shot in the face for questioning a libellous ad F4J had published. Through my personal blog, My Elegant Gathering of White Snows, I have received numerous threats of rape from misogynist rights activists. A man objected to my post on Pixar and their problems with gender stereotyping by suggesting I needed to be “gang-raped by Congolese savages”. I have been called stupid, insane, unfuckable, fat, ugly, and a Nazi. In terms of online abuse, the threats I have received have been few and on the low end of the spectrum of violence. I am one of the lucky feminists, which is a ridiculous statement to make having received a death threat. It’s just that abuse is so common that the abuse that I have personally received isn’t even worth mentioning. I certainly never reported it to the police as I assume they would ignore it.

Social media platforms, like Facebook and Twitter, have simply made it easier for women to be targets for abusive behaviour as these sites are frequently unwilling to take responsibility for the abuse posted on them. Soraya Chemaly and Laura Bates recent Facebook campaign followed their refusal to remove images of sexual violence. In the face of the campaign, Facebook has removed advertising from pages encouraging and posting images of sexual violence. The pages themselves should have been removed but targeting advertising is a good start. Removing the pages themselves is the next step.

It was almost inevitable that a similar campaign would target twitter. It started two days ago, sparked by the vitriolic abuse targeted at feminist campaigner Caroline Criado Perez who runs The Women’s Room UK. Criado Perez’ crime?: a successful campaign on cultural femicide forcing the Bank of England to follow the legislation in the 2010 Equality Act which requires every public body “pay due regard to the need to eliminate discrimination and equality.” The campaign began after the Bank of England chose to remove the only woman on English banknotes and replace them with another white male. The banknotes campaign was small with a specific outcome, which they achieved: in 2017, Jane Austen will be the face on the new £10 note.

Criado Perez has been receiving abuse since the campaign started, frequently by men calling her stupid for not noticing that the Queen is on banknotes. The difference between being on a banknote via an accident of birth and being on a banknote because of personal achievement has been missed by a lot of the usual trolls. The abuse got worse when the Bank of England announced the decision for the new £10 note. Criado Perez reported one rape threat to the police who took the threat seriously. The response from twitter: a massive 24-hour backlash of misogynistic slurs, threats of physical violence and rape:

@FatTonyCologino : Everybody jump on the rape train … is the conductor.@SultanofPing You wanna rape with me
@Beccas43 : RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE JEW JEW JEW RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE JEW JEW JEW@VizFoSho If you force sex on a prostitute is it rape or shoplifting? @VizFoSho what do 9/10 people enjoy? Gang rape.

This is only a small selection of what was tweeted at Criado Perez and some of the least offensive tweets More examples are available at the blog I will not put up with this. The trolls have since targeted Laura Bates’ organisation Everyday Sexism for similar abusive threats.

Numerous people have suggested that Criado Perez ignore the trolls and their threats of sexual violence, however this does not stop abusive behaviour from trolls. If anything, it encourages them to attack others with the knowledge that no one will stand up to stop them. Ignoring trolls only serves to silence their victims. It gives them a platform for them to continue abusing women. Whilst it is considered “conventional wisdom”, it is not helpful to ending violence against women and girls.

What did help was the feminist #shoutback and #fightback which immediately started with women standing up to the misogynistic abuse and mass reporting abusive tweets to twitter. While it remains heartening to see so many women refusing to be silenced in the face of serious threats of sexual violence, twitter’s response has been deeply disappointing. A senior member of twitter closed his account when activists tweeted him links to the rape threats. The twitter “how to report abusive behaviour” page has been closed most of this morning, whether that is due to mass reporting or their choice to take down the page remains to be seen but the point is the only way to report abuse was not functioning.

Of course, people can only report abusive behaviour if they know where to find the information. Twitter’s “how to report abusive behaviour” page is notoriously difficult to find and is quite time consuming. It is very difficult to keep up with reporting when facing an onslaught of abuse. Whilst many women did take the time to screencap and report the abuse, the process of reporting resulted in numerous hours of abuse from specific people before their accounts were suspended. Criado Perez is collating and reporting all of the abusive messages to the police, who are taking the threats seriously. Twitter, however, is unwilling to take responsibility for the abuse they are hosting.

The violent threats and misogynistic abuse that Criado Perez has been subjected to over the past few days are similar to the abuse all women experience online and in real life. What has been different is the number of women (and men) who have stood beside Criado Perez and refused to be silenced. Hopefully, this one event will be the catalyst which forces twitter to install a “report abusive behaviour button” similar to that of their spam button as well as help change all social media so that threatening violence is considered an immediate banning offence. 

Frankly, it already should be.

There is a petition here requesting that twitter install an “report abusive behaviour” button. 

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Bitch drags out the "Hairy, Man-Hating Lesbian" Trope. #LeSigh > with update

I'm really, really tired of the supposed joke "I'm a feminist, just not the hairy, man-hating Lesbian kind". It creates a dichotomy between 'good' and 'bad' feminists wherein Lesbians in possession of their body hair, who are by default man-haters, are 'bad' feminists. It's thoughtless, reductive, and, to be perfectly blunt, it's lesbophobic. 

Feminist Borgia has written an excellent critique of the concept which I highly recommend but, essentially, the entire basis of the "I'm not a man-hating, hairy Lesbian" is to make feminism palatable to men and reinforce women's sexual availability to men. Frankly, the men who are feminist allies don't need us to pander to their delicate sensibilities. They already get it. The men who don't get it won't get it whilst we throw our Lesbian sisters under the bus to make men feel important. 

It is not funny. It is not clever and it is most certainly not a feminist act to use a "joke" which insults one group of women in order to placate men.

This is why I was really quite distressed to see Bitch magazine  using the trope whilst advertising for new freelance writers:

By focusing on gender issues and the media, Bitch acts as a tool-kit for all those who engage in social justice and feminist criticism (no, feminist is not another word for lesbian), and editors are looking for writers who can provide smart, thought-provoking commentary on pop culture.

This appears as a guest post by Bitch on the website FishBowl NY. I can't access the full article so I cannot tell for certain if this is a direct quote from a staff member at Bitch or not. It does read as though Bitch are looking for freelance writers who are not lesbians. I'm sure this wasn't their intention, but the inclusion of the trope does imply that Bitch has enacted a no-lesbian policy.

We will not succeed in liberating women by making jokes about our sisters or reinforcing Patriarchal stereotypes. By insisting that we aren't "hairy, man-hating lesbians", we are telling the Patriarchy that lesbians, women with hair and women with valid reasons to hate men aren't worthy of our concern or our support. 

That is not a feminism I support.

UPDATE: Bitch media was not responsible for the quote and has requesting that it be removed from the article. 

UPDATE 2: I emailed Bitch with my concerns yesterday morning and received a very lovely reply back from them both apologising and stating that the quote did not come from a member of staff at Bitch.

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Why I want Boudicca on the £10 #banknote.

Well, to be completely honest, I've never actually had an opinion on who should be on the #banknotes since I have never actually noticed who was on them. But, that's the beauty of feminism: we aren't the Borg. Feminism is full of brilliant and inspiring women who question everything. We need campaigns like #banknotes and Everyday Victim Blaming and the Name Equality Campaign as much as we need Rape Crisis, Women's Aid and Women Under Siege. 

So, why my nitpicking over which woman gets to be on the £10 note?

I'm a huge Jane Austen fan and until last night I was perfectly happy with Austen. She's a brilliant writer: funny and snarky. She also published under her own name, which remains pretty fabulous. I only changed my mind after seeing the sheer amount of misogynistic abuse and one rape threat that feminist campaigner Caroline Criado Perez received for her campaign to ensure that a woman remained on English banknotes.

I want Boudicca to serve as a symbol of what happens to women when they question the Patriarchy: Boudicca was flogged and her daughters raped for questioning the right of the Roman Empire, an emblem of male violence and patriarchal control. 

Jane Austen remains one of my favourite authors but I want Boudicca to serve as a Fuck You to all the men who insulted and threatened Caroline yesterday. I want Boudicca to serve as a reminder to all the men who stood up for Caroline that this isn't a one-off. Male violence, and the threat thereof, is constant. 

We all need a reminder of what is at stake for women who question the Patriarchy.

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#DickheadDetox : Tim Lott's Ode to Domestic Violence in the Guardian

As the lovely Glosswitch stated on twitter earlier this week, the Guardian have managed to find the only literate MRA and have given him a job. Like Glosswitch, I've only recently come across Lott The Arsewipe but he's like every other misogynistic fucknugget whinging about his penis and why women refuse to kowtow to it. 

Lott belongs on the #DickheadDetox for a number of reasons starting with insulting his wife in the national press, whining about having to share "his income" with his wife, and reinforcing harmful gender stereotypes which are based on male control of women. What concerns me the most is the sheer number of red flags for domestic violence within his columns. Lott's construction of his relationship is one in which he has control; that is not normal and it is not healthy. It is disgraceful that the Guardian is giving space to a man who writes such twaddle. 

For an excellent takedown of Lott's nincompoopery, do read Glosswitch's blog. I've reblogged a section below but the entire piece is a must read: 

Using a central scene in the film as a springboard, Lott offers up a self-important analysis of what he calls the difference between “acceptance” (as displayed by him) and “resignation” (as displayed by his morally inferior wife). While acceptance is “a wholehearted, positive acceptance that no one can be everything you want them to be” (and “is hard”), resignation is “the refusal to take on board the fact that people are different from you and, anyway, you cannot cast the first stone unless you are without sin yourself”. While Lott generously allows that his wife might have “more to complain about than I do”, he argues that “one thing she doesn’t have to put up with — by and large — is me complaining about her”. Since he doesn’t add “except in the pages of a national newspaper” I’m assuming the irony of the whole character assassination has escaped him (and yes, I know I’m having a go at Tim myself, but then I’m not the one preaching bloody “acceptance” in the first place).

I’ve since learned that on all matters domestic, but especially those involving the humiliation of one’s nearest and dearest, Lott has form. Last week’s piece was called Money – the biggest taboo in a relationship, and in it, Lott discussed the apparent complexities of earning more than one’s wife when she happens to be doing more of the unpaid domestic labour. You and I might think “just share the bloody money” but apparently that’s “archaic” and Lott isn’t “quite sure what would be a better alternative”. Hence while he’s waiting for that alternative to appear, he keeps more money for himself and “if there’s a big expense, say a foreign holiday or house improvements, I tend to have the last say”. But don’t worry – it all balances out in the end:

My wife says that my having more money than her makes me feel powerful. She’s right – up to a point. It gives me an area of control, although I don’t think I use it in order to control. I just think some form of imbalance is inevitable. When it comes to the house and children, my wife enjoys virtually total authority.

The point that Lott seems to miss is that while his wife may have “authority” over the dirty socks, that’s because it’s become her job (in case you’re wondering, Lott shrunk a sweater in the wash once and is therefore incapable of helping). It’s the same type of “authority” Lott has over his writing. It’s not the same as the reward. It’s not the same as the fundamental freedoms that financial autonomy brings. I suspect deep down Lott knows this (how could he not?) but is playing dumb.

...

I imagine there are members of the men’s right’s “movement” who’d consider Lott too “Guardian” to really be one of them. They’d be wrong. He’s the perfect example of the way in which, via Essential Difference neurosexism, Fathers 4 Justice grandstanding and hype over male underachievement, the men’s rights narrative of resentment has become mainstream. It could be there at your own dinner table. Don’t listen to it. Achieving the right balance is difficult in any household but we can all do better than resignation, acceptance or whatever someone who claims to speak for you is telling you to call it.

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OK Magazine: Still Hates Woman

OK Magazine: continuing it's policy of woman-shaming.

I'm not surprised OK Magazine ran this cover. 

I'm angry. Sad. Depressed. Mostly angry. How dare they treat a woman like this. It doesn't matter what woman because none of us deserve this.

I am surprised at how many people seem shocked by OK Mag running this as their cover. It's not like OK Mag ever write anything positive about women.  All of their articles are about women being too fat fat, too skinny, too promiscuous, too orange, too stupid, too smart, too woman. Just like most women's magazines.

Women's magazines make their money making women feel insecure. They don't care about women's health or happiness: just the money.

We need to boycott them all.

We need to start developing magazines aimed at women which don't engage in women-blaming and women-hating. 

No woman should ever be shamed for her body. Ever.

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Feminism, Racism, Misogyny, and Privilege

I started this blog post several months ago after I entered a discussion about the existence of Islamaphobia (it does) and whether or not its possible for individuals to "see past stereotypes". It started as an attempt to clarify my thoughts following the discussion but I couldn't quite articulate what I wanted to say. As a white, middle class feminist, it felt arrogant to try to write this piece. It felt equally arrogant not to write. I also lost a friend because of that discussion. So, I took the chickenshit way out and didn't finish writing this piece.

This piece would probably have stayed as a draft in my file marked "too scared to post" had it not been for yet another debate on whether or not Beyonce is a feminist [Frankly, I would have thought that was a question for Beyonce to answer rather than white women deciding for her but, apparently, no]. Now, I haven't read the article in Ms Magazine which has, once again, kickstarted the debate so this isn't so much a response to that article as it is burblings from my brain. For a proper response to that article, please read this post on Gradient Lair. 

Really, I shouldn't be conflating these two issues but I'm still trying to work out what I want to say. It's so hard to articulate effectively in a medium like twitter wherein people seem to want to take offence the moment you disagree with them without actually listening to why you disagree with them and others who want to take offence no matter what you say. I don't like this idea that there is an official arbiter of who is and who is not a feminist. I also don't like this idea that we can not have disagreements about feminism without people deliberately taking offence when none was intended. I also don't want to cause hurt unintentionally. I am afraid I will be by writing this or, at least, I'm afraid that I can't write this without sounding pompous, patronising and utterly ridiculous. At the same time, not writing feels like I'm deliberately ignoring my sisters.

Basically, I don't think it's possible to not be racist, homophobic, disablist or misogynist in our Capitalist-Patriarchal culture. I want to claim that I am none of the above but that feels, well, arrogant, considering we live in a culture in which I, as a middle class white woman with a high standard of patriarchy-approved education, have a tremendous amount of privilege. Regardless of how hard we try, it is almost impossible to live, as a privileged white woman, without reinforcing the White Supremacy. We reinforce the White Supremacy in a myriad of small ways daily; many of these are unintentional but they still function to reinforce the oppression of our sisters.

As privileged white women, it is our responsibility to stand with our sisters: to listen, to support and to challenge those engaged in abusive language or behaviour. In real life, it is generally easy to know (or feel safe) when to call someone on behaviour or language which is offensive: to know when calling a man on offensive language will result in him listening or when it will result in violence. I very rarely call men out directly because I am afraid of male violence. I call the police but that rarely results in the police doing anything. It is hypocritical of me to call women out more than men, when male violence is the problem, but that is our culture. I am less afraid of having my jaw broken when calling out a woman than a man. This does result in reinforcing the patriarchal construct of holding women to a higher standard of behaviour than men but I am not sure how to change this without getting assaulted.

On twitter, it is so much more difficult to know when to call someone out. You cannot know how the person will respond and whilst there is no immediate threat of physical violence, abusive language [and getting their mates along to threaten] does silence people. These tactics on twitter are getting more common and more abusive. There is an assumption that everyone must call everyone out over every written word. There is little attempt to have constructive dialogue; the first response is abusive language followed by having a mob descend on a person. Whilst some people are lost causes [see Dr. Christian], having a large number of people descend on one person using abusive language doesn't actually help especially if that person did not intend to cause offence. Call out culture on twitter isn't about changing the language which, sometimes unintentionally, supports the White Supremacist Patriarchal culture. Frequently, it feels like a group of people with boundary and anger issues taking out their personal issues on other people. 

Make no mistake, I am not suggesting that we stop calling people out for reinforcement of the White Supremacist Patriarchal culture. I am suggesting that we pause before attacking and assess the situation, particularly when it is privileged white women doing the calling out. Yes, we absolutely have to stand up for sisters but we also must ensure that we aren't speaking for them either. Many of the "call out" rucks I have seen on twitter have been by white women-born on behalf of other women. Whilst it is important that we examine our own privilege and participate in the call-out culture, far too often I have seen women taking offence on behalf of an oppressed group and then speak for them. This is equally unacceptable as it contributes to the Othering of women.

I have called out numerous people on twitter but only those who I think will listen or those whose followers might listen in the case of celebrities. Frequently, I do so via DM because I find people respond better to polite suggestions than angry ranting [although angry ranting at Dr. Christian is quite therapeutic]. I do this for people who clearly intended no harm. I report those who are clearly trolling with abusive language because they are only after the fight. I won't engage in debate because they genuinely don't give a shit who they hurt. They just thrive on the attention and we need to stop giving them the attention.

In the personal case I mentioned above, I thought it was safe to call my friend out publicly on twitter as she is a feminist who I have campaigned with for several years. We have never agreed politically on many issues but that has never been a requirement of friendship for me. I thought we had a relationship where we could listen to one another and learn from each other.

I was wrong.

Our friendship ended because I thought she would hear me when I said Islamaphobia exists: that most people cannot see out with the cultural stereotypes they raised within. I was sad at the end of our friendship but I felt happy that I had called her out for racism. Hell, I felt smug. 

A few months later, I read a blog by a WofC expressing her distress at the number of white feminists who hadn't called out The Onion for their disgusting "joke" about Chris Brown and Rihanna ending their relationship. My first instinct was to tweet them with a link to the blog I wrote about it. Thankfully, I engaged my brain before sending the tweet since a white woman hopping up and down shouting "look at meeeeeee" is precisely the problem. I went straight for cookie validation without even pausing to think how I was reinforcing white supremacy.

That was a huge kick to the gut, a necessary one, but nonetheless very painful. And, one that we need reminding of constantly so that in our effort to support our sisters we don't end up silencing their voices, that we don't ignore the multiple oppressions of our sisters, that we don't end up replicating the very same patriarchal structures which punish all women.



I wrote the above two months ago but did not publish. I'm not sure I've expressed myself well enough. I'm not sure I would have ever published had I not come across this piece on racism by Michele Braa-Heidner. She is a radical feminist for whom I have tremendous respect and I love her blog, however, I disagree with her most recent post on the murder of Trayvon Martin.

Michele Braa-Heidner argues that the Trayvon Martin murder is not a radical feminist issue because it is male on male violence and that women can not be racist against men. I do agree that calling radical feminists racist for choosing not to focus on the Trayvon Martin case is hyperbolic since Radical Feminism is about women. People are entitled to campaign about that which they deem personally important. I would not call a member of the LGBT community racist for focussing on campaigns that affect them personally. However, I do think that radical feminism cannot exist out with the White Supremacist Patriarchal culture. We are racist as a default position [just as we are disablist, homophobic etc]. Radical feminism's focus on women's experience and activism cannot survive without acknowledging how the multiple oppressions of race, sexuality etc change the experience of women within the patriarchy.

My focus, as a radical feminist, is on male violence against women and girls. The murder of Trayvon Martin is important to me because of clearly it demonstrates the gendering of legal culpability within the criminal justice system. The comparison with the Marissa Alexander case is important because it demonstrates how the life of a Black man is considered more worthy of media attention that the life of a Black woman; that stand your ground laws are only beneficial to men. It clearly delineates the hierarchy of race in American culture and how race affects gender.

I believe the murder of Trayvon Martin is a radical feminist issue: he was a child killed because of the structural racism and misogyny in our patriarchal culture. This doesn't mean I expect every radical feminist space to devote their time to discussing this case at the expense of other female victims of male violence but that I don't agree with Braa-Heidner that this is not a radical feminist issue.

What is important to me is that radical feminists have a safe space to discuss these issues and that we listen to the voices of all our sisters. We don't have to agree with one another but we do need to hear one  another.

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#DickheadDetox : Asshole Lists "Flaws" He Likes in Women:

[Image from here]

Some tool, called Mark Manson, wrote a list of 7 "Flaw" he likes in women for Thought Catalogue. I am so bored of the constant articles, nearly always written by men, trying to extrapolate their personal sexual desires as the "norm". The self-indulgent, narcissistic approach to sexuality in our culture is abusive and exploitative. The idea that the orgasm of one person is more important than the safety and personal boundaries of the person they are fucking is disgusting.

I hate the privileging of male sexuality and I loathe the men who take advantage of this: like Mark Manson. Normally, I'd ignore this shite but Manson brings the "domestic violence as romance" theme to a whole new level: one where he "forgives" us our imperfections in his voyage of self-discovery [which seems to miss the whole he's an asshole bit].

The first paragraph is Manson explaining what every woman has known for a millenia as if its somehow a new and exciting theory:

I feel more and more that our culture is conditioning us to expect, no — demand a perfect romantic or sexual partner for ourselves. It’s easy to forget that finding someone you truly want to be with isn’t a matter finding someone who is perfect or flawless, but finding someone who you actually grow to love their flaws.

Clearly, Manson missed the whole medieval knights and chivalry bullshit poetry period. And, every self-help book written in the 19th and 20th century. Seriously, does he genuinely believe this is a new pet theory? I don't know if I should be laughing hysterically at this point or leaning my head on my desk and crying for our species.

Having psycho-analysed himself [and continued to miss the bit where he's an asshole], Manson dedicates the piece to "the girl of my dreams and her issues, her traumas, and her deepest flaws. And not just the faults that I can tolerate, but the faults that I can love." Well, isn't that just peachy-keen and lurvely. Just reading that makes me cream myself with excitement or vomit. One or the other. My poor ickle girlie brain just can't compute the level of romance in that statement. 

I've reproduced all "The Flaws" below as they have to be read fully to be believed. All of them are disgraceful, woman-hating twaddle with a serious side of domestic violence. They are all huge red flags. Part of me is glad Manson wrote this so that potential partners can be aware of his violent personality at the start but the other part of me is angry that anyone would publish this bullshit.

The first two flaws are the most important to read, everything after that is Manson's Ode to His Penis. The first "flaw" is Manson clearly looking for a woman to emotionally and psychologically abuse. It is an obvious indicator of a man who is controlling. The second flaw is the same indicator with Manson looking for a woman to shoulder the responsibility for everything that goes wrong in Manson's life. 

Manson belongs on the #DickheadDetox. He certainly doesn't deserve to ever have a relationship with a woman [or be a potential father to children].

The Flaws:

FLAW #1: She’s Slightly Neurotic - I’m an extremely laid-back guy. Some people may say too laid-back. But every girl I’ve developed a strong emotional connection with has told me that I have a calming effect on them. Girls who are slightly neurotic feel right to me for two reasons: for one, if there’s something I should be worrying about, but I’m not, they’ll always catch it. And secondly, when they’re worrying about something that’s unnecessary, I enjoy being able to help them relax and feel more secure about it. It’s a nice dynamic, as it makes me feel needed and they’re always appreciative.

FLAW #2: She Blames Herself Too Often - This one’s a little twisted, but I like it. It makes me feel more at ease. My biggest pet peeve in the world is people who do not take responsibility for their actions. So if a girl blames herself too often, then I never have to worry about her shirking responsibility for things going wrong. But the biggest reason is I don’t handle people blaming me or judging me well. Never have. When I feel like I’m being blamed unfairly, my tendency is to either shut down or to simply leave. Obviously, this is not a helpful tendency in a relationship. On the other hand, I’m an EXTREMELY non-judgmental person and rarely blame the person I’m with, so I’m unlikely to pile on the blame if she’s being hard on herself. On the contrary, as a recovered Nice Guy, I have a tendency to want to help my partner feel better about herself and let go of whatever is bothering her, so this gives me another opportunity to do that. Hey, I never said I didn’t have flaws either. But it seems women with this flaw complement my flaw really well and the relationship works.

FLAW #3: She’s A Work-A-Holic - I get bored easily. If I’m with a girl who doesn’t have a lot going on in her life, I get bored with her easily. I find ambition sexy. I run my own business and will often pull 14- or 16-hour workdays and I need her to understand and support that. Women who work their ass off for something just tend to be much more interesting.

FLAW #4: She’s A Risk-Taker - I need someone who thinks outside the box, who is open-minded and up for trying something crazy or stupid on a whim. My last serious girlfriend, the day we broke up, we decided to go skydiving together to commemorate it. Don’t ask me why, but it was awesome. I love taking risks and having adventures. I want a girl who if I say, “Hey, I just bought us plane tickets to Dubai tomorrow, let’s go!” she won’t hesitate to say yes. She won’t complain about work or worry about what her mother would think or whatever. She’d drop everything and go.

FLAW #5: She’s Vain - I realize this is entirely self-indulgent, but I love it when women take the time and effort to make themselves as beautiful as humanly possible. The 90 minutes in the bathroom before we go out to get dinner? I like that. I want her to look stunning. I then want to tell her that she looks stunning. I then want her to love it when I tell her that she looks stunning.

FLAW #6: She’s Pushy - Like I said earlier, I have a tendency to be too laid-back some times. And I also have a tendency to avoid commitment. As a result, some times I pull away from the person I’m seeing even if I really care about them and feel strongly about them. It’s an unconscious reaction and habit. So I need someone who won’t let me off the hook easily, because I know at some point I will try to get off the hook. Even though it annoys me at times, it’s good for the girl I’m dating to be pushy, the kind of girl who will call me three days in a row and bother me for not hanging out with her. I’ll hate it in the moment, I’ll complain that she’s needy and annoying and smothering me, blah, blah, blah — but I think in the long-run it works out better because if left to my own devices I’d let myself drift away and never come back.

FLAW #7: She Wears Her Heart On Her Sleeve - You know the stereotype of the concerned husband saying, “Honey, what’s wrong?” and she says, “Oh, nothing.” So he tries again, “No, really, what’s wrong?” and she still says “Nothing,” even though she’s obviously really pissed about something. Then eventually she blows up and acts as if he was supposed to magically know why she was pissed off the entire time and fix it. It’s a stereotype you see in movies and TV shows a lot. Yeah, I hate that. I can’t be with a girl like that. I think if that happened to me now, she’d be out the door. Anyone who reads this site knows that I’m obsessed with blunt, painful honesty. I always want to know what people are thinking and feeling and I want everyone to always know what I’m thinking and feeling. I love women who wear their hearts on their sleeve. I want them to have the opposite problem of not being able to hide their emotions even if they want to. This goes along with passion as well. Women who let their emotions just flow out of them tend to be incredibly passionate. I get weak in the knees for passionate women. It’s why I love Latin women and Eastern European women so much. Their emotions are so intense you think the world is going to crack in half some times. As a boy who came from an emotionally-stifled family in an English-speaking culture, I can’t get enough of it. 

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Facebook's Continuing War on Women: This Time Human Rights Watch is the Problem

Yesterday, Facebook blocked a page from Human Rights Watch. 

And, yes, you read that right. 

Facebook deemed a page by Human Rights Watch so hateful that it contravened their official policy on "offensive" material. You know, their policy which allows violent pornography, images of abused children and women, racism, homophobia, disablism and rape threats to remain as "free speech". 

Human Rights Watch's crime: requesting the Tunisian government grant feminist activist Amina Tyler pretrial release, as she is entitled to under the law. Amina Tyler, whose only crime was writing Femen across her bare breasts and posting the image on Facebook, has been detained since May 19th. Tyler's photo did not contravene FB's standards despite the fact that images of infants breastfeeding does. 

Human Rights Watch are a subversive group because caring that no human be tortured, imprisoned, raped or murdered for being human now contravenes Facebook standards. We have arrived at the point where "free speech" only applies to violent men. Those who campaign for the protection of vulnerable people from male violence have no legal right to free speech.

Welcome to the Patriarchy where Feminist activism is required to ensure that internationally recognised human rights organisations aren't deemed "offensive".

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Thank you Gradient Lair. I will miss you.

I wrote this piece on Thursday to publish today as part of my Silent Sunday round-up of inspiring blogs written by women. Gradient Lair's hiatus is over but I'm still going to publish this post because, well, I want to. Gradient Lair is one of the best blogs I have ever written and I was genuinely sad that I would not get to read something by this amazing blogger for a while. Women's voices need to be celebrated:


The Gradient Lair blog is now on haitus. It has only been going for a year but has been an incredible source of inspiration to me. I will miss it tremendously.

These are some of my favourite pieces from Gradient Lair:

The Truth about Media, Police and Prison

Corporate America Hates Me and I Hate It

Demanding Flattery is an Oppressors Tool

Womanism/ Black Feminism and Race in Feminist Discourse

Examining White Supremacy and Heroism: When Both White and Black People Value White Lives More

I hate Night Clubs (They feel like street harassment to music)

Why Whites Call People of Colour Racist

White Men Who Write about White Privilege

The Beauty Binary, Street Harassment and Rape Culture

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#DickheadDetox: Christian Jessen for Spreading Rape Myths.

My personal loathing of reality TV star Dr. Christian Jessen is well-documented. I have no tolerance for men who think it is acceptable to define women's fuckability nor any medical professional who actually knows nothing about breast feeding who thinks it's "icky". Honestly, the man is nothing more than your average dickhead, except he also has a television show in which he gets to deliberately humiliate and denigrate people. Yay Capitalism. 

This is what dear ole' Christian tweeted out today (read from bottom up as blogger is being silly about formatting)

1. Dr Christian Jessen ‏@DoctorChristian36m

   2) female rape is abhorrent but much male rape goes on in prisons and is shrugged off as 'that's just what happens' -equally abhorrent!

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2. Dr Christian Jessen ‏@DoctorChristian37m

   1) False accusations of rape are thankfully rare but very damaging to all. It's interesting how much bias there is in talking about rape...

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3. Dr Christian Jessen ‏@DoctorChristian40m

   interesting stat to follow my last tweets: men are statistically more likely to be victims of rape than to be falsely accused of rape.

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4. Dr Christian Jessen ‏@DoctorChristian1h

   2) Why do women do this?! 2 many rape cases ignored, which is terrible, so why try this sort of damaging nonsense on to make it worse? Loons

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5. Dr Christian Jessen ‏@DoctorChristian1h

   1)Terrible story of cabby accused of rape by female passenger only 2b saved by his recording of journey where nothing of the sort happened.

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Well, isn't that some lovely "women are all liars" twaddle for a Friday morning.

When are men who insist on pontificating about rape actually going to bother reading some research into false rape accusations. Or, you know, actually engage their brain and think. 

Dr. Christian is a misogynist. He won't bother listening to those pointing out that he is wrong. That is too much like making him take responsibility for his actions. 

He is on the #dickheaddetox

UPDATE:

This was Dr. Christian's response to criticism:

Dr Christian Jessen ‏@DoctorChristian7m

become clear that many of most aggressive feminists here have become so blinded by rage they no longer see any other points that their own.

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I may need to start a #SuperDickheadDetox just for Christian.

I wrote this piece for Everyday Victim Blaming.

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