Why I want Boudicca on the £10 #banknote.

Well, to be completely honest, I've never actually had an opinion on who should be on the #banknotes since I have never actually noticed who was on them. But, that's the beauty of feminism: we aren't the Borg. Feminism is full of brilliant and inspiring women who question everything. We need campaigns like #banknotes and Everyday Victim Blaming and the Name Equality Campaign as much as we need Rape Crisis, Women's Aid and Women Under Siege. 

So, why my nitpicking over which woman gets to be on the £10 note?

I'm a huge Jane Austen fan and until last night I was perfectly happy with Austen. She's a brilliant writer: funny and snarky. She also published under her own name, which remains pretty fabulous. I only changed my mind after seeing the sheer amount of misogynistic abuse and one rape threat that feminist campaigner Caroline Criado Perez received for her campaign to ensure that a woman remained on English banknotes.

I want Boudicca to serve as a symbol of what happens to women when they question the Patriarchy: Boudicca was flogged and her daughters raped for questioning the right of the Roman Empire, an emblem of male violence and patriarchal control. 

Jane Austen remains one of my favourite authors but I want Boudicca to serve as a Fuck You to all the men who insulted and threatened Caroline yesterday. I want Boudicca to serve as a reminder to all the men who stood up for Caroline that this isn't a one-off. Male violence, and the threat thereof, is constant. 

We all need a reminder of what is at stake for women who question the Patriarchy.

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We will not succeed by silencing dissent.

I have been contemplating whether or not to publish this post since the incident described below happened. I have erred on the side of not publishing hoping that things will change but they haven't. If anything, things are getting worse.

I was reminded of the incident in an email conversation with Jane Fae where I mentioned how distressing I found the situation and then said: We will not succeed by silencing dissent. Jane quoted me in a blog she wrote for the F-Word UK which is what led me to decide to publish this piece. The below post has actually nothing to do with our email conversation or her F-Word blog but it has been preying on my mind and I need to make me feelings clear on this issue. 

I also think it's important to write about this following my Twitter #FeministLoveIn post yesterday. I firmly believe we need to celebrate online feminism and the incredibly inspiring women who fight the fight against misogyny online. I don't agree with every opinion held by the women I mentioned but that is the point. We can be feminists and focus on different issues without trashing one another's activism. We can disagree without resorting to personal insults and attacks. Feminism isn't one movement. And no one has the right to decide whether or not another person can label themselves a feminist. Discussion is an essential part of feminist activism. Silencing those we disagree with us is just the Patriarchy using women to police women. 

As feminists, we need to acknowledge our differences and celebrate our activism. We will not succeed by silencing dissent.

I have redacted all names from the post below and I will delete any comments which name the women involved.

Several months ago, a teenage feminist tweeted out a question from a webchat. She did not use quotation marks but that is hardly relevant. A teenage girl just tweeted out a question about feminism and language. This teenage girl, who is little more than a child herself, was attacked for asking a question that was deemed unacceptable by adult feminists. 

A teenage girl was verbally abused and harassed into apologising for asking a question by a group of adult women who call themselves feminists. 

When did feminism get to the point that asking questions was considered anti-feminist?

When did feminism get to the point that a child cannot ask a question?

When did feminism get to the point that a child asking a question was considered worthy of verbal abuse?

Verbal abuse is just that: abuse.

It is bullying.

It is completely unacceptable behaviour, especially when the victim is a child.


Feminism will not succeed by silencing dissent.

And, feminism certainly won't succeed when adult women think they have the right to verbally abuse a child for committing the crime of asking a question.

My feminism does not punish children for asking questions. It does not punish other women for asking questions. I'm struggling to understand how any woman who treats a child in such an abusive can label themselves a feminist. It is certainly not part of any feminist movement I want to be part of. Basic kindness and respect should be the basis of feminist interactions with other feminists. Trashing a campaign for the sake of it (as seen in the aftermath of the #Banknotes win for The Women's Room UK) aren't feminism.

My feminism is about supporting women and liberating women from male violence. Harassing and verbally abusing those we disagree with isn't feminism. It is women replicating the abuse perpetuated by the Patriarchy. Whilst I will continue to celebrate the activism and wins of women whose goals I am not support, I will not be silent when feminists use abusive behaviour to silence other women.

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Twitter #FeministLoveins : Celebrating Sisterhood!

I've written recently about the negative aspects of twitter with the online bullying, cliques and some, frankly, ridiculous behaviour.  

Sometimes I focus so much on the negative and worrying about being trolled that I miss the good stuff. This week I have had several really inspiring conversations with women on 3 continents. I've discussed pornography, reality television, rape, racism, children, cats and women's literature. 

I forget what a privilege it is to converse with so many women and learn from our collective wisdom. Our lives and our feminisms differ dramatically but the sisterhood still exists. We just need to celebrate it more. We need to celebrate our strengths and our weaknesses. We need to stop expecting perfection from our sisters. We stop pretending that feminism is the Borg where we all must think the same thing or we're not feminists.

So, I'm having a twitter #feministlovein today for all the amazing women who've inspired me, held my hand, made me rage, made me laugh, made me cry and most importantly made me a better feminist. 

Abi Yaffe
AFeministMother
AlexPolisTigers
Alice (@adarling575)
Alison Boydell
allthecake (@whoateallthepye)
Alyson (@textuallimits)
A Lone Parent
Andrea (@MsAndreaist)
Angela
Angeline (@Angeline1611)
Ann Tagonist
Anna
Anywavewilldo
Avital (@themamafesto)
Background Spinner
Barbara Scott
Barbara Carregonnen
Bee Jones
Bessie 
Benita(@e_benita)
Bobbi Oliver
Caitlin Roper
Camilla (@whodoesshethink)
Caris
Carol (@maggiefairy)
Cat Eleven
Cath Elliot
Cath Andrews
Cath
Cath 
Cathy Brennan
Caroline Criado-Perez
Caroline Crampton
Chitra Nagarajan
Chloe Miriam
Clara
Claire Moore (@cctheatreco)
Claire
Clementine
Crates&Ribbons
Dawn
Denise Marshall
Diane (@teenybash48)
DillyTante
Donna Navarro (@lexiconlane)
Dorien Niprock
dustsister
Elodie Pierce
Emma
Emily (@theurbandryad)
Emily Milton
Fantome
Farzana (@bananaharama)
feministavenger
FeministBorgia
FeministRoar
FeministaSista
FeministUK
Firestone Dworkin
Flea (@evil_fi)
Flumpmistress
FrauHupfdohle
FrothyDragon
Georgina Spiller
Gill
Glosswitch
Gobtastic
Goddessdevva
Gothicmama
Grainne McMahon
GrumpyOldBat
Hannah M. Curtis
Hannah Mudge
Hannah
Heather Harvey
Helen Lewis
Helen (@theowlgirl)
Helen (@queenofbiscuits)
HerbyAttitude
HisFeministMamma
Hypathie (@Hypathieblog)
JamButties
Jane (@ambitiousmammas)
Jane
Jane
Jane
Janey
Janey (@vegetarianjelly)
Janie
Jen (@JennNiff)
Jess
Jo (@PortofinoSunset)
Jodie (@MsJodieLW)
JudeinLondon
Julie Bindel
Julie
Jules
Katharine Edgar
Karen Ingala Smith
Karis (@Karis_Lily)
Katabaticesque
Kate
Katie
KBadlan
Kiramadiera
Kiran Chug
Laura
Laura
Leah Hardy
Lee Lysandra
Liberation Lover
Lilith (@GrimalkinRN)
LilRadFem
Lily Monroe (@pornfreeculture)
Lissie (@lissielouwalton)
Liz (@Lizj73)
Liz Kelly
LondonFeminist
Lorrie Hearts
Louise
Lucy (@Bang2write)
Lynn Schreiber
Lucy Bottomface
madoldbat (@scouserinlondon)
Mary-Ann Stephenson
Marie
Marstrina
Mhairi Macalpine
Meghan Murphy
Melissa (@theresthebs)
Melissa Wilde
MissAndrist
M.K. Hajdin
NattAndra
Nicola (@NicolaGilChrist)
Nicole (@ni c_jameson)
Nicole Rowe (@cellardoor790)
No Anodyne
Orla Moylan Hegarty
Philippa (@incurablehippie)
Planet Pavs
Planet Cath
Portia Criado-Perez
Poppy (@popbadger)
@psychoclaire
RadFemRusty
Rebecca
Redbullfiend
Reni Eddo-Lodge
R.K. MacKenzie

Roberta
Rose-Anna (@roseannastar)
RoseBlah
Rosemarie (@roseycameron)
Rowena (@RowenaMonde)
RubyFruit2
Ruth Jacobs
SallyAnn Betteridge
Sam (@katedaddie)
Sara (@sararatee)
Sarah (@academicablues)
Sarah (@saraclarke)
Sarah Haughey
Sarah (@seja75)
Sarah
Sarah Jay (@mauvedinosaur)
ScallopsRGreat
Scarlet Wilde
Scousey (@Firewomon)
Seja
Sharon
Sianushka
Sister Trinity 
Slutocrat
SmashtheP
Sophia 
Sophie
Soraya Chemaly
Steffie (@selise3)
Terre Strange
TheTrudz
Tricialo (@trishlowt)
Truthtopower
TullyHerron
Umlolidunno
Vanessa 
Vicky
Victoria (@VABVOX)
Victoria Lucas (@radfemmamma)
Virginia Pele
Winnie Small
Zarina (@Zarinacc)
Zoe Williams

(Sensibly, when I started this list I only put the first names. I'm going through to add either last names or twitter handles so others can follow them too, which is what I should have done from the beginning:) )

*This is only a list of women from Twitter. The list would be twice as long if I included the amazing feminists on Facebook.

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#DickheadDetox : Tim Lott's Ode to Domestic Violence in the Guardian

As the lovely Glosswitch stated on twitter earlier this week, the Guardian have managed to find the only literate MRA and have given him a job. Like Glosswitch, I've only recently come across Lott The Arsewipe but he's like every other misogynistic fucknugget whinging about his penis and why women refuse to kowtow to it. 

Lott belongs on the #DickheadDetox for a number of reasons starting with insulting his wife in the national press, whining about having to share "his income" with his wife, and reinforcing harmful gender stereotypes which are based on male control of women. What concerns me the most is the sheer number of red flags for domestic violence within his columns. Lott's construction of his relationship is one in which he has control; that is not normal and it is not healthy. It is disgraceful that the Guardian is giving space to a man who writes such twaddle. 

For an excellent takedown of Lott's nincompoopery, do read Glosswitch's blog. I've reblogged a section below but the entire piece is a must read: 

Using a central scene in the film as a springboard, Lott offers up a self-important analysis of what he calls the difference between “acceptance” (as displayed by him) and “resignation” (as displayed by his morally inferior wife). While acceptance is “a wholehearted, positive acceptance that no one can be everything you want them to be” (and “is hard”), resignation is “the refusal to take on board the fact that people are different from you and, anyway, you cannot cast the first stone unless you are without sin yourself”. While Lott generously allows that his wife might have “more to complain about than I do”, he argues that “one thing she doesn’t have to put up with — by and large — is me complaining about her”. Since he doesn’t add “except in the pages of a national newspaper” I’m assuming the irony of the whole character assassination has escaped him (and yes, I know I’m having a go at Tim myself, but then I’m not the one preaching bloody “acceptance” in the first place).

I’ve since learned that on all matters domestic, but especially those involving the humiliation of one’s nearest and dearest, Lott has form. Last week’s piece was called Money – the biggest taboo in a relationship, and in it, Lott discussed the apparent complexities of earning more than one’s wife when she happens to be doing more of the unpaid domestic labour. You and I might think “just share the bloody money” but apparently that’s “archaic” and Lott isn’t “quite sure what would be a better alternative”. Hence while he’s waiting for that alternative to appear, he keeps more money for himself and “if there’s a big expense, say a foreign holiday or house improvements, I tend to have the last say”. But don’t worry – it all balances out in the end:

My wife says that my having more money than her makes me feel powerful. She’s right – up to a point. It gives me an area of control, although I don’t think I use it in order to control. I just think some form of imbalance is inevitable. When it comes to the house and children, my wife enjoys virtually total authority.

The point that Lott seems to miss is that while his wife may have “authority” over the dirty socks, that’s because it’s become her job (in case you’re wondering, Lott shrunk a sweater in the wash once and is therefore incapable of helping). It’s the same type of “authority” Lott has over his writing. It’s not the same as the reward. It’s not the same as the fundamental freedoms that financial autonomy brings. I suspect deep down Lott knows this (how could he not?) but is playing dumb.

...

I imagine there are members of the men’s right’s “movement” who’d consider Lott too “Guardian” to really be one of them. They’d be wrong. He’s the perfect example of the way in which, via Essential Difference neurosexism, Fathers 4 Justice grandstanding and hype over male underachievement, the men’s rights narrative of resentment has become mainstream. It could be there at your own dinner table. Don’t listen to it. Achieving the right balance is difficult in any household but we can all do better than resignation, acceptance or whatever someone who claims to speak for you is telling you to call it.

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OK Magazine: Still Hates Woman

OK Magazine: continuing it's policy of woman-shaming.

I'm not surprised OK Magazine ran this cover. 

I'm angry. Sad. Depressed. Mostly angry. How dare they treat a woman like this. It doesn't matter what woman because none of us deserve this.

I am surprised at how many people seem shocked by OK Mag running this as their cover. It's not like OK Mag ever write anything positive about women.  All of their articles are about women being too fat fat, too skinny, too promiscuous, too orange, too stupid, too smart, too woman. Just like most women's magazines.

Women's magazines make their money making women feel insecure. They don't care about women's health or happiness: just the money.

We need to boycott them all.

We need to start developing magazines aimed at women which don't engage in women-blaming and women-hating. 

No woman should ever be shamed for her body. Ever.

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Louise Mensch is a professional troll but why do we find her so surprising.

I genuinely don't know what to say about Louise Mensch anymore. I know she is a troll by profession but her recent tweets have been shocking. At least, I've always assumed she was a professional troll, along with Dr. Christian, but I am at a loss for words to describe her recent tweeting. If she were a friend, I would be worried about her. I cannot decide if she's actually quite dim with moments of brilliance or if she genuinely lacks the empathy to even attempt to understand the lives of people who aren't wealthy and white like her.

The idea that George Zimmerman should be thankful for the imminent birth of the "royal baby" demonstrates such a lack of awareness of reality that I'm gobsmacked. How can anyone living in the US think of the Zimmerman acquittal in positive terms? A child is dead, dead because of racism and utterly insane laws about "standing your ground", and Mensch is blithering on about the birth of a child in a country that she no longer lives in.* 

As for "rape fantasy porn" tweets, I can't believe any woman could be so dismissive of the experiences of sexual violence of other women. Mensch is engaged in that old skool narcissistic twitter tendency to retweet everyone who agrees with them and ignore the comments by those who disagree. Her replies to those expressing concern are dismissive and, frequently, rude as though survivors of sexual violence aren't worth her time. 

I loathe the term "rape porn". Rape, by definition, is a non-consensual act. It is impossible for consensual porn to be made about rape. As for Mensch's assertion that most women have "rape porn" fantasies, well, I'd like to see her research to back up the statistic because I think it's complete twaddle. What really shocked me was Mensch stating she would blog about the "rape porn" debates AFTER she blogs about the royal baby. How skewed are her priorities if the potential birth of one child is more important than legislation dealing with pornography and sexual violence? I know she's hardly the only person blithering on as if we are witnessing the birth of the new Messiah but her tweets shocked me.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at what Mensch tweets or blogs since she is clearly in it for the attention and the best way to get attention in our culture is by being utterly ridiculous. This is just another dimension of our reality television based culture which grants those engaged in self-destructive behaviour with fame and columns in national papers. Instead of publishing actual news, our national media has spent the day stalking a hospital where one woman is giving birth in a denial of her right to privacy and at the expense of reporting information which is important.

It is a sad indictment of our culture that Louise Mensch, who resigned as an MP to live in the US with her new husband, is still considered an important political commentator on our culture.


A selection of her tweets on the murder of Trayvon Martin

People most thankful for #royalbaby - George #Zimmerman and his family. 

Should #Zimmerman have followed #Trayvon, no. Did Trayvon have right to attack, yes. Previous statement still applies. Not guilty. #tcot 

In the end #Zimmerman defence & acquittal very simple, backed by forensics; #Trayvon attacked, GZ feared for his life, shot him. Not guilty 

George #Zimmerman wasn't on trial for being a puffed-up vigilante. He was on trial for murder 2 & the President should not have intervened.

Her tweets on the debate over "rape fantasy" porn

I would hope that any such law would be challenged in the courts and fail in the courts. It is inhuman. Rape and rape fantasy not the same. 

It is not for our government to police consensual simulation, between adults, of one of women's most common fantasies. 

It's not law yet and I hope it never will be. The Simon Walsh Obscenity trial should give all MPs pause. Govt out of people's bedrooms. 

Going to blog on opposition to government seeking to criminalise simulation one of most common female fantasies, rape, but after #royalbaby

* I know insane is not the right word to use here. I apologise for the ableist term. I'm just so angry that I can't work out what to say.

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Feminism, Racism, Misogyny, and Privilege

I started this blog post several months ago after I entered a discussion about the existence of Islamaphobia (it does) and whether or not its possible for individuals to "see past stereotypes". It started as an attempt to clarify my thoughts following the discussion but I couldn't quite articulate what I wanted to say. As a white, middle class feminist, it felt arrogant to try to write this piece. It felt equally arrogant not to write. I also lost a friend because of that discussion. So, I took the chickenshit way out and didn't finish writing this piece.

This piece would probably have stayed as a draft in my file marked "too scared to post" had it not been for yet another debate on whether or not Beyonce is a feminist [Frankly, I would have thought that was a question for Beyonce to answer rather than white women deciding for her but, apparently, no]. Now, I haven't read the article in Ms Magazine which has, once again, kickstarted the debate so this isn't so much a response to that article as it is burblings from my brain. For a proper response to that article, please read this post on Gradient Lair. 

Really, I shouldn't be conflating these two issues but I'm still trying to work out what I want to say. It's so hard to articulate effectively in a medium like twitter wherein people seem to want to take offence the moment you disagree with them without actually listening to why you disagree with them and others who want to take offence no matter what you say. I don't like this idea that there is an official arbiter of who is and who is not a feminist. I also don't like this idea that we can not have disagreements about feminism without people deliberately taking offence when none was intended. I also don't want to cause hurt unintentionally. I am afraid I will be by writing this or, at least, I'm afraid that I can't write this without sounding pompous, patronising and utterly ridiculous. At the same time, not writing feels like I'm deliberately ignoring my sisters.

Basically, I don't think it's possible to not be racist, homophobic, disablist or misogynist in our Capitalist-Patriarchal culture. I want to claim that I am none of the above but that feels, well, arrogant, considering we live in a culture in which I, as a middle class white woman with a high standard of patriarchy-approved education, have a tremendous amount of privilege. Regardless of how hard we try, it is almost impossible to live, as a privileged white woman, without reinforcing the White Supremacy. We reinforce the White Supremacy in a myriad of small ways daily; many of these are unintentional but they still function to reinforce the oppression of our sisters.

As privileged white women, it is our responsibility to stand with our sisters: to listen, to support and to challenge those engaged in abusive language or behaviour. In real life, it is generally easy to know (or feel safe) when to call someone on behaviour or language which is offensive: to know when calling a man on offensive language will result in him listening or when it will result in violence. I very rarely call men out directly because I am afraid of male violence. I call the police but that rarely results in the police doing anything. It is hypocritical of me to call women out more than men, when male violence is the problem, but that is our culture. I am less afraid of having my jaw broken when calling out a woman than a man. This does result in reinforcing the patriarchal construct of holding women to a higher standard of behaviour than men but I am not sure how to change this without getting assaulted.

On twitter, it is so much more difficult to know when to call someone out. You cannot know how the person will respond and whilst there is no immediate threat of physical violence, abusive language [and getting their mates along to threaten] does silence people. These tactics on twitter are getting more common and more abusive. There is an assumption that everyone must call everyone out over every written word. There is little attempt to have constructive dialogue; the first response is abusive language followed by having a mob descend on a person. Whilst some people are lost causes [see Dr. Christian], having a large number of people descend on one person using abusive language doesn't actually help especially if that person did not intend to cause offence. Call out culture on twitter isn't about changing the language which, sometimes unintentionally, supports the White Supremacist Patriarchal culture. Frequently, it feels like a group of people with boundary and anger issues taking out their personal issues on other people. 

Make no mistake, I am not suggesting that we stop calling people out for reinforcement of the White Supremacist Patriarchal culture. I am suggesting that we pause before attacking and assess the situation, particularly when it is privileged white women doing the calling out. Yes, we absolutely have to stand up for sisters but we also must ensure that we aren't speaking for them either. Many of the "call out" rucks I have seen on twitter have been by white women-born on behalf of other women. Whilst it is important that we examine our own privilege and participate in the call-out culture, far too often I have seen women taking offence on behalf of an oppressed group and then speak for them. This is equally unacceptable as it contributes to the Othering of women.

I have called out numerous people on twitter but only those who I think will listen or those whose followers might listen in the case of celebrities. Frequently, I do so via DM because I find people respond better to polite suggestions than angry ranting [although angry ranting at Dr. Christian is quite therapeutic]. I do this for people who clearly intended no harm. I report those who are clearly trolling with abusive language because they are only after the fight. I won't engage in debate because they genuinely don't give a shit who they hurt. They just thrive on the attention and we need to stop giving them the attention.

In the personal case I mentioned above, I thought it was safe to call my friend out publicly on twitter as she is a feminist who I have campaigned with for several years. We have never agreed politically on many issues but that has never been a requirement of friendship for me. I thought we had a relationship where we could listen to one another and learn from each other.

I was wrong.

Our friendship ended because I thought she would hear me when I said Islamaphobia exists: that most people cannot see out with the cultural stereotypes they raised within. I was sad at the end of our friendship but I felt happy that I had called her out for racism. Hell, I felt smug. 

A few months later, I read a blog by a WofC expressing her distress at the number of white feminists who hadn't called out The Onion for their disgusting "joke" about Chris Brown and Rihanna ending their relationship. My first instinct was to tweet them with a link to the blog I wrote about it. Thankfully, I engaged my brain before sending the tweet since a white woman hopping up and down shouting "look at meeeeeee" is precisely the problem. I went straight for cookie validation without even pausing to think how I was reinforcing white supremacy.

That was a huge kick to the gut, a necessary one, but nonetheless very painful. And, one that we need reminding of constantly so that in our effort to support our sisters we don't end up silencing their voices, that we don't ignore the multiple oppressions of our sisters, that we don't end up replicating the very same patriarchal structures which punish all women.



I wrote the above two months ago but did not publish. I'm not sure I've expressed myself well enough. I'm not sure I would have ever published had I not come across this piece on racism by Michele Braa-Heidner. She is a radical feminist for whom I have tremendous respect and I love her blog, however, I disagree with her most recent post on the murder of Trayvon Martin.

Michele Braa-Heidner argues that the Trayvon Martin murder is not a radical feminist issue because it is male on male violence and that women can not be racist against men. I do agree that calling radical feminists racist for choosing not to focus on the Trayvon Martin case is hyperbolic since Radical Feminism is about women. People are entitled to campaign about that which they deem personally important. I would not call a member of the LGBT community racist for focussing on campaigns that affect them personally. However, I do think that radical feminism cannot exist out with the White Supremacist Patriarchal culture. We are racist as a default position [just as we are disablist, homophobic etc]. Radical feminism's focus on women's experience and activism cannot survive without acknowledging how the multiple oppressions of race, sexuality etc change the experience of women within the patriarchy.

My focus, as a radical feminist, is on male violence against women and girls. The murder of Trayvon Martin is important to me because of clearly it demonstrates the gendering of legal culpability within the criminal justice system. The comparison with the Marissa Alexander case is important because it demonstrates how the life of a Black man is considered more worthy of media attention that the life of a Black woman; that stand your ground laws are only beneficial to men. It clearly delineates the hierarchy of race in American culture and how race affects gender.

I believe the murder of Trayvon Martin is a radical feminist issue: he was a child killed because of the structural racism and misogyny in our patriarchal culture. This doesn't mean I expect every radical feminist space to devote their time to discussing this case at the expense of other female victims of male violence but that I don't agree with Braa-Heidner that this is not a radical feminist issue.

What is important to me is that radical feminists have a safe space to discuss these issues and that we listen to the voices of all our sisters. We don't have to agree with one another but we do need to hear one  another.

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