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Monday, 31 December 2012

Kim Kardashian is Pregnant: Let the Slut-shaming Commence

Posted on 03:28 by Unknown

Kim Kardashian has announced her pregnancy with Kanye West. As a general rule of thumb, I try to ignore celebrity pregnancies since they are none of my business, but then I tend to feel that way about most women who are pregnant; the obsession with the contents of other women's uteruses is the hallmark of the patriarchal control of women. However, Kim Kardashian is the quintessential Circus Freak Show Act in our Reality TV obsessed culture. She is a frequent object of ridicule with every  minute detail of her life dissected in the media. Yes, she bears some responsibility for placing herself in the public eye but that does not negate our own behaviour in participating in this culture of bullying. I have no idea what Kim Kardashian has supposedly done to become such an object of ridicule; unless she's a serial killer or funded the War on Women, I'm going to guess she doesn't deserve it. 

And, personally, I doubt very much that Kardashian agreed to release her "sextape". Like Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton before her, Kardashian knew all to well that she had no real legal recourse once the tape was leaked online. Once something is on the internet, there is no way to "unleak" it. Kardashian was a victim of sexual violence, just like Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton and Kate Middleton. She may have settled her lawsuit with the distributor, but, let's be honest here, she had no chance of actually winning the lawsuit. A woman's sexual behaviour is always up for public speculation and insult. It is always for sale and, usually, without our consent.

Now Kardashian is pregnant, the slut-shaming will start again. Kanye West will receive congratulations but Kardashian will receive nothing but comments on her behaviour and her weight. Once she gives birth, Kardashian will be judged on her failure to lose weight immediately or on how fast she lost the weight. She will be judged for breastfeeding or not breastfeeding. She will be judged on her parenting skills. She will be judged for having the support of a night nurse or nanny or she will be judged for not having help. She will be labelled fat, selfish, and a bad mother and this is without acknowledging the issue of racism.

She will be judged.

She will be found lacking.

No matter what she does.

We all know that pregnancy is one of the most vulnerable times for women; even without the added risk of domestic violence. Our default position for *all* pregnant women should be one of support.

So, congratulations Kim Kardashian. 

And, shame on those who are already lining up to insult, denigrate and mock you. 

No one deserves the treatment you will receive over the next year.


After all, we're all trying to survive in the Capitalist-Patriarchy the best we can.
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Posted in #rapeculture, #waronwomen, Celebrity Culture, Misogyny, Reality Television, Slut-Shaming, Victim Blaming, Violence against Women | No comments

Sunday, 30 December 2012

My Favourite Books of 2012 (Some Spoilers)

Posted on 15:35 by Unknown

I know that everyone does this and blah, blah, blah but I genuinely don't care. I recommend books to everyone, even if they don't actually read books [or pseudo-intellectualise by parroting reviews from the Times Literary Supplement which some men might want to remember is not only available on subscription to those middle aged white dudes with penises. The rest of us can read it too. Just saying].

So, these are my favourite books of 2012:

Lisa O'Donnell's The Death of Bees: It is triggering since it covers the systemic violence against women, particularly against those young girls who aren't considered "proper" victims but it is also beautiful, funny and full of hope.  It is the story of two sisters, Marnie and Nelly, struggling to survive in  a Glasgow housing estate without their parents, who they've just buried in a shallow grave in the backyard. They are victimised and revictimised in every manner possible and left to self-destruct by a welfare state that doesn't give a shit about poor kids from the housing estates. After all, when school is only "a convenient way for all of us to congregate in one place", it is obvious that these are the kids no one cares about (p.47). But, it's more than a litany of abuse. It's about surviving, friendships, the meaning of sisterhood and what really makes a family.

Maggie O'Farrell's The Vanishing Axt of Esme Lennox : It's about families and betrayal and the destruction of generations after one malicious act. It's heart-breaking but beautiful. No redemption but the importance of hearing when someone speaks, even if it seems something innocuous like a nickname.

Julia Long's Anti-Porn: The Resurgence of Anti-Porn Feminism: It's both a critical analysis of the representations of anti-porn feminism, pro-porn feminism and the pro-porn campaign within the media and culture; as well as a history of the anti-porn movement within Britain. Most importantly, it is a radical feminist critique of the debates surrounding pornography [and prostitution]. Far too often the "debates" on porn within the media focus on porn as an empowering tool for women [conveniently ignoring the fact that men are the ones getting rich from porn] and porn as an expression of human sexuality [and ignoring just how much porn dictates a hegemonic, heterosexual, racist sexuality which, in and of itself, is incredibly limited]. Long traces the feminist activism against pornography and illustrates some of the more successful feminist activist anti-porn campaign. Long has given a voice to both the survivors of the porn industries and the grassroots activists fighting against pornographication. She has contextualised the anti-porn feminist movement in the UK within diverse factions of feminism.

Emma Donoghue's The Sealed Letter
Esi Edugyan's Half Blood Blues
Helena Kennedy’s Eve was Framed: Women and British Justice
Maya Angelou's The Heart of a Woman

Maya Angelou's A Song Flung up to Heaven
Maya Angelou's All God's Children Need Travelling Shoes
Maya Angelou's I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Maya Angelou's Gather Together in My Name
Maya Angelou's Singin' and Swingin' and Gettin' Merry Like Christmas
Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche's Thing Around Your Neck
Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche's Half a Yellow Sun
Marilyn French's A Woman's Room 
Andrea Dworkin's Intercourse
Joumana Haddad’s I Killed Scheherazade: Confessions of an Angry Arab Woman 
Isabelle Allende's Island Beneath the Sea
Ngoni Achebe's Onaedo: The Blacksmith's Daughter

I've also recently discovered Marian Keyes' Walsh Family and M.C Beaton's Agatha Raisin series. I love them both!
These are some of the Feminist Blogs I've discovered and loved this year: 

BottomFace 
Exiled Stardust 
FatFemPinUp  
Feminist Current 
Feminist Revolution 
Frothy Dragon and the Patriarchal Stone  
Glosswatch
HerbsandHags  
Hiding Under the Bed is Not the Answer 

JelliandLilliPlop
No Anodyne 
RadFem Groundhog Day
RadFem Hub
Rage Against the ManChine 
Rmott62  
Salt and Caramel 
Sian and Crooked Rib  
Sisterhood is Powerful
Slendermeans
Smash the P  
Too Much to Say for myself 
Week Woman 

WhatStilliDid
You think I don't understand but I don't believe you


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Posted in #culturalfemicide, #ReadingOnlyBooksWrittenByWomen, Cultural Femicide, Women Writers, Women's Literature | No comments

Saturday, 29 December 2012

Women's Rights News: Missing the Point Completely

Posted on 07:56 by Unknown

Women's Rights News is possibly one of the most ironically named FB groups; almost on par with those pro-rape apologists at the Good Men Project. Firstly, they don't actually post stories about news which is just a teensy bit odd for a group who use the soubriquet 'news'.

I'm willing to overlook the attempt at intellectual pretentiousness, but, honestly, what does the above image have to do with women's rights? It's the image of a very thin, young, white woman posed to be sexually attractive and lacking a face. Hello, every image of women in the media. Ever. 

And, hello mother-blaming misogyny whilst Daddy-can-do-no-wrong twaddle. I read the quote and just wanted to bang my head repeatedly off my desk. How can anyone read that and think Feminism? 

But, then, they also posted this: 


Without a hint of irony. Or, you know, critical thinking skills. Disney does give women unrealistic expectations about men: it teaches women that the only way to deal with an abusive man is to love him harder [Beauty and the Beast]. Or, that it's totally acceptable to give up a real gift for a man who doesn't even know you [Little Mermaid] and that necrophilia is romantic [Snow White] and rape normal [Sleeping Beauty]. But, this isn't really news. Andrea Dworkin, Angela Carter, and a hundred other feminist writers have covered this topic a million times and without resorting to asinine comments. 

And, the image below. Well, I just give up. 


I can't tell if Women's Rights News actually think they are a pro-woman group examining women's rights.

Or, a bunch of MRAs having a laugh.  

Or, both.

I'm not actually sure that Women's Rights News knows.
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Posted in #EverydaySexism, Benevolent Sexism, Misogyny | No comments

Friday, 28 December 2012

Isabel Ashdown's Glasshopper and Hurry Up and Wait

Posted on 10:24 by Unknown

I read Isabel Ashdown's Hurry Up and Wait first. It was one of those multiple-narrator-exposing-a-secret books which I generally enjoy. I wasn't very sure about this one though. I'm never very fond of books which use school reunions as a plot device. It's too tired a plot device and, unfortunately, the secret far too obvious from the beginning. I wouldn't have bothered reading her other books had I not been stuck in the car and Glasshopper was the only book downloaded on my kindle app. It was Glasshopper. Glasshopper was just wrong; in many ways.  Unlike Hurry Up and Wait, Glasshopper had a male protagonist and that made the problem with Ashdown's books obvious.

Ashdown really doesn't like the women characters in her books. All of the characters are flawed but Ashdown seems to blame the women for not being able to deal psychologically with their trauma whilst the men are forgiven. In Glasshopper', male violence isn't even considered a reason worthy of exploring when the real problem is male violence. I would have snarled and then ignored had I not come across this blurb for Hurry Up and Wait which appears on Ashdown's website:
In her eagerly anticipated second novel Mail on Sunday Novel Competition winner Isabel Ashdown explores the treacherous territory of adolescent friendships, and traces across the decades the repercussions of a dangerous relationship.
There was no "dangerous relationship".  A violent sexual predator targeting teenagers does not enter into a "relationship" with them. He was a rapist. He targeted young, vulnerable girls. And, he raped them. The moment people start using phrases like "dangerous relationships" is the moment we start obfuscating child rape. Ashdown has done for child rape what Paula McLain's The Paris Wife did for domestic violence.

I would like back the 3 hours it took me to read both books and the 20 minutes I spent writing this. 
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Posted in Women Writers, Women's Poetry | No comments

Femen Redux: I'm not even sure what to say anymore

Posted on 07:03 by Unknown

It's farking Femen. Again. This time they are protesting the very brutal gang-rape of a young woman in India who committed suicide rather than being pushed into marrying her rapist. This is the statement from the Facebook page to accompany the image above: 

FEMEN shares the world sorrow of 17-year-old Indian girl, victim of a brutal rape. According to the newspaper La Figaro, the victim took the fatal dose of poison, in response to demands by Indian police to withdraw his statement and to marry one of the rapists!
late on November 13 was raped by two men on their way to a religious festival in the city of Punjab. Within two weeks the police refused to accept the statement about rape.
Unfortunately, the facts of genocide against women in India have become known worldwide only after the case of brutal gang rape the girls in the New Daley on December 16, that shakes all India.
FEMEN has long pointed to the Indian authorities ' official policy-misogynistic, religious and caste wildness against women. FEMEN women's movement demands immediate international intervention in the plight of Indian women, subjected to daily physical and mental abuse, suffering from some pointless authorities, corrupt policemen etc. .In February 2012, the activist of FEMEN dismantled the India flag from the roof of the Indian Embassy, protest against visa rule by chauvinist Indian authorities towards young women from Ukraine. For protection of the rights of Ukrainians before the official Daily on four participants of protest was filed 5 criminal cases, litigation that lasts to this day.
A little bit of self-reflection wouldn't go amiss with these people. Honestly, do they not get the problem with their imperialist campaigns which alienate the very women they claim to be fighting for? 

I could rant for hours on their hypocrisy but I think Sara Salem's article Femen's Neocolonial Feminism: When Nudity Becomes Uniform says it much better than I can. 
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Posted in Femen, hyper-sexuality | No comments

At least, there are no Pandas: BBC's Women Faces of the Year

Posted on 06:30 by Unknown

The BBC has recovered slightly from last year's gaffe in which they nominated a Giant Panda and Pippa Middleton's ass as their 'Faces of the Year in 2011'. Frankly, I'm not sure which one I find less convincing as a 'Face of the year'. Or, more misogynistic. The inclusion of Sweetie the Panda at the expense of  Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Lehmay Gbowee, and Tawakkol Karman was, simply, unforgivable; you know, the three women who won the Nobel Peace Prize last year because of their achievements and not because a deeply misogynistic press decided to objectify the body of a woman whose only 'crime' was that her sister married The Patriarchal Prince. Obviously, the BBC came back with the excuse that they chose 12 'women' who made the most headlines, which is a pile of nincompoopery of epic proportions. A Giant Panda did not choose to be moved half way across the planet and end up on the cover of every newspaper. Pippa Middleton did not chose to be the victim of global sexual harassment.  The BBC chose to run such asinine 'stories' as real news at the expense of covering actual news.

I wouldn't get over-excited by this year's 'Women Faces of the Year', as ever a number of the women included are because of their relationship to men; others because they were made into public spectacles. 

These are the BBC 'Women Faces of the Year' for 2012:

Maria Colvin: An award-winning war correspondent killed in the Syrian Uprising.
Malala Yousafzai: A young girl shot by the Taliban as a punishment for her campaign for girls' education.
Nicola Adams: The first woman to win gold in Olympic Boxing.
Claire Squires: A runner whose death during the London Marathon lead to people donating £1m to charity.
Laina Walker: A fangirl who made a creepy Youtube video of Justin Bieber to win a contest.
Samantha Brick: A journalist made an object of derision by the Daily Mail.
Marissa Mayer: A businesswoman who became CEO of Yahoo whilst 6 months pregnant.
Rachel Onasanwo: The Olympics "Happiest Volunteer".
Pussy Riot: Russian punk feminists.
Gina Rinhart: The World's 'richest' woman.
Lydia Callis: The New York mayor's sign language interpreter.
Paula Broadwell: A woman who had sex with the head of the CIA.

Some of these women belong on this list and some are only on it because of patriarchal hypocrisy within the BBC. But, really, including Samantha Brick who was the target of a very successful smear campaign by the Daily Mail? Are we now including women whose claim to fame is their status as the quintessential Circus Freak Show? Paula Broadwell was included because she had sex with a man? And, why are we including a woman who made a creepy video about Justin Bieber? Are these really the best examples that the BBC could come up with? How are their 'accomplishments' on par with Malala Yousafzai and Maria Colvin?

Where's Hillary Clinton? 

Or, Lauren Wolfe and Gloria Steinem who founded Women Under Siege?

Or, any number of the millions of women across the world who have incredible and inspiring things this year?

On the other hand, the BBC's list of 'Male Faces of the Year' includes a dog. 

Maybe, the BBC just gets confused and runs it's April Fools joke on the wrong day. 

I can't tell anymore.
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Posted in #culturalfemicide, Bullying Culture, Celebrity Culture, Cultural Femicide, War on Women | No comments

Monday, 24 December 2012

Fairy Tale of Mumsnet

Posted on 11:54 by Unknown

My awesome friend Keema wrote this.

She is the best poet ever

Fairy tale of –New York-- Mumsnet

It was Christmas Eve babe
Here on mumsnet
A poster whinged to me
There’s mumsnet royalty
And then we posted stuff
Into A-I-B-U
I logged onto my phone
And trolled about poo.

So often I’m logged on
I may neglect my son
I’ve started to suspect
I’m not the only one
So Happy Christmas
I love you Mumsnet
I can see another year
When I hang out here…

They’ve got threads that take off
They’ve got threads that just fail
But the worst ones for fighting
Link to Daily Mail
When you first flamed my arse
In a mega bun-fight
You said I’d get mentioned
By damned Matthew Wright

We’re vipers
We’re swearers
You’d best all beware us
When the thread hit one-thousand
We started anew
In chat they got lairy
All the trolls were quite hairy
and sometimes its scary
In AIBU

And the Folk of the MNHQ choir
were begging “please behave”
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day.

You’re a knob
You’re a grunt
You’re an atrocious cunt
Now its message deleted but you know I’m right
You credulous reader
You mad troll believer
Yes Its Christmas I know
But dear god you’re so PO

And the Folk of the MNHQ choir
were begging “please behave”
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day.

I’m just a knackered Mum
I’m not the only one
I lost a chunk of me
When I gave birth you see
And though I love my child
That moment they first smiled
I like to spend a while
where I can swear without you.

And the Folk of the MNHQ choir
were begging “please behave”
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day.
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Posted in #culturalfemicide, #ReadingOnlyBooksWrittenByWomen, Mumsnet, Women Writers, Women's Poetry | No comments

Sunday, 23 December 2012

Tiptoeing Around the Dinosaur

Posted on 04:45 by Unknown
Elaine Charkowski wrote this as her FB status. The entirety of the document below is her work. It is cross-posted with permission.

In response to my statement “male violence is the worst problem in the world,” a woman emailed me and wrote: "I do not believe that male violence is the cause of the world's problems but a symptom of a very sick system that produces violent men and submissive women. If you say that violent men are the problem, then what is the solution short of suppressing or eliminating them?"

So I wrote:


Violent men created the "very sick system that produces violent men and submissive women," which is patriarchy. Thus, I stand by my statement that male violence is the worst problem in the world. Further, I trace the source of all the isms and oppressions. These include racism, sexism and colonization, both external and internal. Internal colonization is seeing one’s self through the eyes of the oppressor.

Male violence is also the source of genocide, war, homophobia, nationalism, cruelty to animals, slavery, economic oppression, prostitution and all sexual slavery, child abuse and the systematic murder of the Living World.

How can we solve the problem of male violence, the worst problem in the world? Where do we begin? Men control all the power institutions. These include the military, education, technology, law, the economy, media and male-god religions (spiritual back up for their earthly atrocities).

I can’t solve the problem of male violence single handedly. However, what I can do is name male violence as the worst problem in the world. This is because naming an oppression and the oppresors is the first step toward ending it. I will not be discouraged, deflected or distracted. I hold all men responsible for ending male violence. This includes non-violent men because all men profit from a world in which male violence exists, especially male violence against women.

As more and more women and men take up the cry and shout from the rooftops that male violence is the worst problem in the world, more and more people can offer their solutions. We can learn from each other and create the synergy necessary to end this horror. Hopefully hundreds of millions of women and men will soon be joining this discussion.

Questions to Ask Ourselves

Is naming male violence as the worst problem in the world a serious threat to patriarchy, the social structure of violent male power? I believe it is. The linguistic contortions, generalizations, obfuscations and denials are incredibly numerous and varied. Their endless repetition reveals that male violence must never be named as the worst problem in the world. This would threaten the power of violent men.

These evasions include: "Not all men are violent," “It’s capitalism,” "Women are violent too," "It’s racism,” “It’s colonization," “It’s genocide,” "Women collude with men against women," "Women profit from male violence," "It’s gun violence," "Men also suffer under patriarchy," "Violent society creates violent men," "What about Margaret Thatcher?" "Women also oppress women," "I love the men in my life who are not violent," etc.

What is the source of our resistance to naming male violence? Is it original thoughts from our own minds or, has this resistance been internalized by us after being inflicted from the patriarchy to protect itself? Have we been mentally colonized to avoid naming male violence so we won’t wake up and end its 6,000 years of carnage?

In the article "What is it About Men That They're Committing These Horrible Massacres?" by Meghan Murphy, she writes,

“‘But what about the men?’” It’s a question that’s been avoided by the mainstream within the context of mass shootings. The recent tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut sparked thousands of conversations across the continent about gun laws, mental illness, and violence. And sadly, we’ve been here before."

She adds, "In the midst of all this horror, we are, understandably, up in arms, demanding change, grieving all the while. But within all this righteous anger, we are very carefully tiptoeing around the common denominator. In 31 of the school shootings that have taken place since 1999, the murderers were all men."

Why do we flinch away from speaking the truth? Are we afraid that naming male violence will make men kill us? They already are. Are we afraid the men in our lives will stop loving us? If they love us, they will understand. Are we afraid that we won’t know how to build a new world based on kindness and respect? Are we afraid of the responsibility for creating such a world?

Violent men are already killing the Living World and humanity! So, what do we have to lose by naming male violence as the worst problem in the world and addressing it?
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Posted in #waronwomen, feminism, Gendercide, Male Entitlement, Male Violence Against Women, Misogyny, Patriarchy, Rape Culture, Violence against Women, War on Women | No comments

"More Men Fake their own Deaths than Women Lie about Rape"

Posted on 01:26 by Unknown

"More Men Fake Their Own Death than Women Lie about Rape."

I remember reading this quote a few years ago. I can not for the life of me remember where I read it. I'm sure it comes from a FBI agent as part of speech given to other law enforcement officers but that's literally all I remember, despite it being a really crucial statistic. I'm also fairly sure I read it in a book and not on a blog. 

Thankfully for my poor memory skills, there are some amazing feminists and feminist allies on my FB with much better google skills than I. A huge thank you to Cath Andrews and Cathy Brennan for helping me. And, another thank you to Martin Dufresne for finding the following links:

Mary's be a Gooddog Blog: "The FBI indicate that 96-98% of rapes are real reports. like robberies. like muggings. like Home Invasions. How many people lie about getting Mugged? The FBI state that more people Fake-report their own DEATH than fake report rape. "

Erin McLelland: who attributes the quote to the National Coalition Against Violent Athletes

These arseholes also attribute it to the FBI.


If anyone knows which book I originally read it, I would be very grateful. :)



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Posted in Male Violence Against Women, Patriarchy, Rape, Rape Culture | No comments

Friday, 21 December 2012

Playboy goes Artistic.

Posted on 13:11 by Unknown

At least, that's what they claim to be doing by having some "leading contemporary artists",  a list which includes Tracey Emin, "explore the female body as a work of art". Normally, I'd be willing discuss the issue of the female body as art and whether or not it could be anything other than the objectification of women's bodies, but this is Playboy.

Playboy. 

They aren't interested in art. They are interested in making money by the sexual degradation and objectification of women's bodies. This is just another desperate ploy to differentiate them from 'bad' pornographers. In many ways, Playboy's mainstreaming of pornography has been far more detrimental to women's rights than the more violent pornography now available online.

I would rant further but Exiled Stardust has deconstructed this far more eloquently here.
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Posted in fashion-beauty complex, feminism, hyper-sexuality, Male Entitlement, Porn Culture, Pornography, Violence against Women | No comments

Thursday, 20 December 2012

The Mumsnet Secret Santa: Thanking Those Women Who Have Changed Our Lives

Posted on 08:54 by Unknown

The Mumsnet Secret Santa has been going for several years now. It was started by members as a way of thanking others who had helped them but also as a way helping others. Along with a Mile for Maude and the MN Woolly Hugs, it is the real side of Mumsnet: women supporting women. It is the real meaning of sisterhood. 

I was honoured this year by being nominated. It is such an incredible feeling to be nominated; to be thanked for helping someone else. It is a beautiful feeling. 
Over the years, I've had the pleasure of nominating other women who have supported me through my PND and my crisis of confidence following some rather misogynistic twaddle with my career. I am so lucky to be surrounded by some amazing women. 

We need to start telling each other how amazing we are.

We need to start doing so publicly and loudly. 

This year, my Secret Santa sent me an Amazon giftcard. I spent several happy hours downloading some amazing books onto my kindle. Obviously only books written by women:

Lola Shoneyin's The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's Wives
Carol Shield's The Stone Diaries
Andrea Levy's Fruit of the Lemon
Andrea Levy's Never Far From Nowhere
Aminatta Forna's The Ancestor Stones
Kamila Shamsie's Burnt Shadows

Thank you My Secret Nominator. 

Thank you to my Secret Santa.

And, thank you to all the amazing women in my life. :)
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Posted in feminism, Mumsnet, Sisterhood | No comments

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

In Defence of Megan Fox.

Posted on 11:02 by Unknown

Until today, the only thing I knew about Megan Fox was that she starred in the first two Transformer movies and that she may or may not have been fired from the third for calling the director Micheal Bay a misogynist. It's hard to say if she walked or was fired as Fox is keeping a dignified silence whilst Bay, and her former co-star Shia LeBoeuf, are bad-mouthing her at every opportunity. Whatever actually happened, Fox is clearly a better person than either Bay or LeBoeuf; although that isn't the best compliment since I've eaten carrots that had more empathy than Bay. Suffice it to say, I'm on Team Fox.

Today, I learned that Fox is now married and has a very new baby. 

I learned about Fox's new baby from an op-ed piece in the Independent which effectively accuses Fox, but not her husband, of child neglect for hiring a night nurse. I have no idea who the writer Susan Elkin actually is, above her very basic biography attached to the article, but it's been a while since I've read a piece written by a woman who so clearly hates other women. 

Because, there is no excuse for what Elkin has written. 

There is no excuse for the Independent to have published the op-ed piece. 

But, you know what, I would like to thank Megan Fox for publicly acknowledging that she has hired a night nurse. 

Because what really pisses me off is the culture of "motherhood" that requires "celebrity" women to pretend that they do everything all by themselves after having a baby. That is what is harmful to all women: the idea that a woman who has just given birth must immediately lose all their baby weight, baking 250 cupcakes for the school fete, going back to work full-time at 6 weeks whilst simultaneously looking immaculate in their immaculate house. Celebrity women who try to exist outside this narrow and punitive construction of mother are punished by the likes of Perez Hilton calling them fat and Hello mag making snide remarks about their lack of make-up.

So, power to Megan Fox for being honest about something that was going to result in her being bullied. How freaking brave is she?

And, that shit about whether or not Fox breastfeeds, well that's none of our business. The culture which pushes formula feeding unnecessarily onto new mothers and which sexualises women's breasts to the point that women can not breastfeed publicly without feeling uncomfortable is the problem. The culture which believes that women's bodies belong to their husbands and that a man's rights to access his possession's breasts are more important than a new infant is the problem. The culture which defines any woman who has given birth  as unfuckable until they lose all their "baby weight" is the problem. That is what we need to address.

We won't create a breast-feeding friendly culture when women write shit like this:
Babies are born to women – whether some feminists like it or not and wish it otherwise – and nature provides the baby’s food in the form of breast milk. That milk, and suckling it from the mother’s breast, is the child’s entitlement. Direct access to its mother’s breast milk is, in my book, every child’s human right. 
That doesn’t mean extracting it with a pump and handing it over to someone else to pour into the child either. It means proper tactile feeding from the breast and all the bonding which goes with that. Everyone knows that there is nothing better than breast milk for a baby’s health and, there are benefits for the mother too – not least, it is much easier to lose the baby weight if you breast feed than if you don’t. It is also considerable less hassle – at a time when you’re tired and maybe stressed – than fiddling about with bottles which have to be sterilised. And you have it with you, on tap as it were, wherever you and the child happen to be. 
If you hire a night nurse the child may be losing out on part of this and I regard that as a form of neglect.
Now, I get that Elkin is clearly trying to flog some book that no one actually wants to read but, unless you are actually stupid, no one would think the above was going to increase the number of women breastfeeding exclusively for 6 months. It just isn't. All it does is make women feel like failures if they don't. As for the hyperbole of child neglect, well, I'd suggest that Elkin wasn't the most effective teacher on the planet if that's her definition of child neglect.

Plus, Elkin doesn't actually understand the mechanics of breast-feeding. It's not the breast-feeding which changes the shape of women's breasts. That's the result of the weight gain during pregnancy and the subsequent loss of weight thereafter. Not breastfeeding will do nothing to prevent a woman's breasts from changing. Pregnancy changes women's breasts.

And women shouldn't be policing other women's bodies. We should be standing up for other women being forced by Patriarchal structures into making "choices" they do no want for fear of reprisal. 

In many ways, this article is just spiteful. It's just the kind of spiteful that the Patriarchy loves: pitting women against women. Normally, I'd veer on the side of ignoring, however insulting a woman who has just given birth and making her personally responsible for the decisions of a thousand other women isn't kind. 

Megan Fox may be a very privileged woman but she is still a woman. She doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. 

Megan Fox is just a woman trying to survive in the Patriarchy; just like the rest of us. 

Cross-Posted in the New Statesman

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Posted in Breastfeeding, Celebrity Culture, Mass Media, Misogyny, Misogyny in Film, Objectification of Women, Patriarchal Fuckability Test, War on Women | No comments

Proud to be a Man-hater

Posted on 06:34 by Unknown

My lovely friend Frothy Dragon wrote this on FB yesterday:
So... The past few days has had me thinking about the "man hating feminist" trope. Funnily enough, I hear this cliche from liberal feminists more than I hear it from men themselves... But we all know men lie at the heart of the liberal feminist movement, along with the demand they are included at every turn. 
Women have to do so little to be declared "man haters". All we have to do is name male violence for what it is. It is at this point the patriarchally minded step in and throw the "man hating" cliche into the mix. But in doing so, what men have done to women is forgotten, brushed under the carpet, ushered into the corner with candy with the hope it'll be forgotten. 
But for a man to be declared a "woman hater" he has to do so much more. Even when men abuse, rape, prostitute and kill women, they're excused... His victim's actions are looked for as if his hatred was a logical reaction to her own actions. 
The liberals forget how ingrained woman hating is... from that moment a baby is killed for being female, to the child's growth, through adulthood- womanhood is something to be despised, to be destroyed. Women are hated freely and easily. Men become the untouchables... we are not allowed to criticise them, lest we be labelled men haters.
But if all it takes to be labelled a man hater is to speak out unrelentlessly against male violence, to despise the violence done to my sisters, then I'll wear that label... I'll write it myself, and I'll scream it from the rooftops. I'd rather be a man hater than stop addressing male violence for what it is.
Frothy speaks a lot of sense, non? Why are women who want to hold men accountable for their violence man-haters, when men who rape, torture and murder women aren't considered women-haters?
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Posted in feminism, Male Entitlement, Male Violence Against Women | No comments

Sunday, 16 December 2012

Apparently, "my politics" are the problem: Mumsnet, Vagenda and Feminism

Posted on 15:39 by Unknown
I've been struggling to write a proper response to Holly Baxter's guest blog for Mumsnet. I remain incredibly saddened that Mumsnet chose to run this particular blogpost by Holly Baxter from Vagenda as part of the 16 Days of Activism on VAW.* I am unhappy that they linked my bloghop, which I intended to be a celebration of women's voices, with a blog post which erases women from the feminist movement. I am annoyed that they locked the thread on the blog post where many of us were raising our concerns. I am disappointed that they dismissed our concerns as irrelevant to the point where they locked a thread and did not return to it. But, mostly, I am hurt that my concerns have been dismissed because of "my politics", as if my "politics" make me incapable of rational thought. I am hurt that the concerns of other women are also being dismissed. As Lynn Schreiber said when commenting on a draft of this piece "if it is your politics, then it is our politics, as we were just as dismayed and angered by the reaction of Mumsnet."

There really is so much wrong with Baxter's post that it's difficult to know where to start. At best, Baxter's post was extremely naive but, to be honest, I think I am being over-kind with that description. Using the violent murder of 14 women at the Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal in 1989 to start a debate about the role of men within the feminist movement is, simply, offensive. There are valid debates to be had about the role of men in the feminist movement. This was neither the time nor the place.

Baxter compounds this offence by failing to name the 14 women who were murdered.

Geneviève Bergeron, aged 21;
Hélène Colgan, 23;
Nathalie Croteau, 23;
Barbara Daigneault, 22;
Anne-Marie Edward, 21;
Maud Haviernick, 29;
Barbara Maria Klucznik, 31;
Maryse Leclair, 23;
Annie St.-Arneault, 23;
Michèle Richard, 21;
Maryse Laganière, 25;
Anne-Marie Lemay, 22;
Sonia Pelletier, 28; and
Annie Turcotte, aged 21. 

And, that is what is wrong with Holly Baxter's blog. She makes it about the man rather than the women who were murdered. This isn't unusual since this is precisely what the mainstream media does when violent men murder women. But, this isn't a feminist position. It has never been a feminist position. Feminism is a woman-centred movement. 

What Baxter seems to miss is that the man who murdered 14 women for being 'feminists' was never going to be a part of the feminist movement. He was never going to understand that the reason he didn't get into the Canadian airforce or the Ecole Polytechnique was because of his personal failings. Men like that don't respond to reason or constructive discourse. The men who do, the men we want involved in the feminist movement, don't need to be told what to do or have to be in charge. They are already involved although sometimes their 'help' can be of questionable value as seen in the 'Walk a Mile in her Shoes' marches. The point is we don't have to make a special effort to involve those men. If they want to be involved, they will be. Yet, Baxter seems to be implying that if feminists spent more time worrying about the involvement of men in the feminist movement, then men would be less likely to kill us. So, really it's our fault that violent, anti-feminist men kill women they identify as feminists because we aren't nice enough. It's just another form of victim-blaming. 

Frankly, I struggle to take any self-defined feminist who says this seriously: 
But it's important to remember that feminism is about destroying patriarchal assumptions (which, incidentally, include the assumptions that men are naturally aggressive, animalistic and hypersexual - insulting, to say in the least.) It's not about destroying men, or holding innocent men to account for the actions of people who share nothing in common with them except a penis. That's just biblical.
Feminists are already aware that feminism is about destroying patriarchal assumptions. The thing is feminists aren't the ones labelling men as "naturally aggressive, animalistic and hypersexual". That is the position the Patriarchy takes in its efforts to minimise and excuse male behaviour. Jack Layton, one of the co-founders of the White Ribbon Movement in 1991, has been explicit that he was talking about male violence against women. The fact that the White Ribbon Campaign has become gender-neutral is testimony more to the power of those who want to ignore the issue of male violence than it is to men's interest in the feminist movement. The men I know, who support the feminist movement, are more than aware that the vast majority of violence committed against women and children is by men. They know that the vast majority of violence committed against men is by other men. 

Marc Lepine was not an isolated "madman". To imply that ignores the lived realities of billions of women across the world. If Lepine were one isolated man, millions of women each year would not by murdered by men. If Marc Lepine was an "isolated" madman, then we have an epidemic of "isolated" madmen causing devastation and mass murder on an almost daily basis. Or, we could start discussing the reality of male violence and start expecting men to take responsibility for male violence, particularly since there are already men willing to address this issue.

The Massacre at the Polytechnique in Montreal was Canada's Dunblane. This is something that we will never forget. It is something that has changed us all. To conflate it with the issue of men's participation in the feminist movement is, simply, disrespectful. There are very valid discussions to be had about the involvement of men but this isn't the time and it is most certainly not the 'hook' to use to make a cheap political point.


* I am not going to address the personal attack made by Holly Baxter on Dr. Julia Long. Dr. Long has addressed the issue here. What I will say is that Baxter owes Dr. Long an apology and it's telling that despite being factually wrong, Baxter has made no public statement retracting her personal attack.
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Posted in feminism, Male Entitlement, Male Violence Against Women, Mumsnet, women-only spaces | No comments
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