Deleting TheRealSGM: Oversharing and #silentnomore

I wasn't going to write this. I was just going to say that I deleted my TheRealSGM twitter account for over-sharing. I wasn't interested in the discussion and I'm still not sure if writing this is worthwhile, however I also don't want to lie about why I chose to delete the account. Most of my tweets were about feminism, politics, cultural femicide and my maliciously incontinent cat but I have tweeted about my children. It was nothing more than the normal witterings of a parent who is proud of their children.

Since I posted several months ago about my desire to attend RadFem2013, I've had a few people following my twitter feed and blog looking for evidence that I am a horrible person. Normally, I would ignore people trawling my public twitter feed for the purpose of subtweeting. I'm a feminist. It happens all the time. I also didn't think there was anything left that constituted over-sharing on my feed since I had had to trawl through it last year after I was targeted by members of Fathers4Justice who were having temper tantrums because of the existence of Mumsnet. I had my entire posting history on Mumsnet deleted as well because of F4J, something about which I am still very, very cross about.

I've already learned the hard way about over-sharing, so since then I've been careful only to tweet stuff about feminism and my cats. It never occurred to me that women would take the time to trawl through my huge twitter feed looking for evidence of I-don't-know-what. If twitter had the facility to easily delete all the tweets about my children, I would have done that but it doesn't. So, I've taken the decision to delete my entire account. I won't be tweeting about my children anymore. I have also removed some of my more personal blog posts. 

This might seem an over-reaction since it's only a few people doing this despite my blocking them (and the few people who are clearly trying to start a fight by telling me every time someone says something rude about me in a subtweet. It's not that hard to tell the difference between people who are genuinely trying to help and those who like to cause fights. Oddly, I've been blocking the latter group too). But, it's hard to trust someone who was trawling through my twitter feed to find evidence of my 'wrong' behaviour not to use my children as a weapon.

The people involved in the low-level harassment of me will find that last line offensive but this whole situation started because several women believed they have the right to dictate what I read and to whom I speak. I have transgressed rules of behaviour as set out by someone I have never met nor have I ever spoken too.

I speak to lots of people on twitter. I also tweet links to lots of blogs and articles written by women on twitter. I don't agree politically with many of the women I speak to on twitter nor do I agree with every single point in every single piece I link on twitter. I've always been under the impression that was one of the best features of twitter. I've changed my mind because of things I learned from women I have spoken to and had my opinions reinforced by others. I know that some women find the women I speak to triggering and have, therefore, blocked me. That's the other benefit of twitter: you can block people if you need to. Self-care is essential. 

Twitter isn't like work where you have to listen to the obnoxious bore whose desk is beside yours: you can just block [even me if you think I'm the obnoxious bore]. But, this obsession with subtweeting about women you don't like or don't agree with politically with has got to stop. We may all have different ways of destroying the patriarchy but we share that same goal.

We won't destroy the patriarchy if we busy destroying ourselves. I know I've been guilty of subtweeting on twitter and I have apologised, repeatedly, for this. I don't expect anyone to accept my apology but I would like them to just stop subtweeting stupid shit about me. Having to delete an entire twitter account and remove two personal blogs [on living with fibromyalgia and my stepmother's death from breast cancer] because I don't trust a couple of women on twitter not to use them maliciously is a shit place for feminism. I'm not worried about the men who write malicious comments on my Huff Post blogs [even the one who wished me dead last week] instead I'm wasting energy worrying about whether or not supposed feminists will attack me.

Now, I'm off to watch back episodes of My Little Pony on Youtube. I'd name the feminist who told me it was her go-to happy video but I'm genuinely worried that naming her will set the twitter-whiners on her too.

I'm sure the irony of this will be lost on many.


Also, I'm now LeStewpot on twitter. It's not a protected account but it will remain feminist and not personal. [And, I await the storify of all my hateful tweets with tedium of expectation].