RihannaMyElegant

  • Subscribe to our RSS feed.
  • Twitter
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • Facebook
  • Digg

Sunday, 30 June 2013

Consent, Disclosure and the Cotton Ceiling

Posted on 15:12 by Unknown
This is another debate I have not yet commented on but a conversation today on twitter made me want to clarify my thoughts publicly.

I do not believe anyone has the right to sex. I believe that full disclosure is necessary even for casual or one-night relationships. I believe anything less invalidates consent.  Lying about your marital status should invalidate consent. Lying about your health in a manner which could compromise the health of your partner invalidates consent.

The police officers who had sexual relationships with women in order to cement their cover whilst spying on left-wing organisations committed rape. Their lies invalidated the consent of the women involved. The fact that this is not illegal simply demonstrates how utterly woman-hating our laws of consent are.

Consent, as it stands now, is a joke. It is designed so that men can fuck whoever they want whenever they want without any consequence. Women's boundaries and bodily integrity are violated in a million ways every day. The law is designed to defend these violations by men rather than protect women. 

We need to rewrite the law completely in order to defend women's bodily integrity [and, of course, the children and men whose bodies are violated]. This means we need to start with full disclosure before any, however temporary, sexual relationship. And, yes, this will mean difficult conversations. It will also mean forgoing sex because we cannot disclose for whatever reason but including safety. 

These conversations will, I have no doubt, be more difficult for transwomen who will be faced with the increased possibility of male violence. It is this very real threat which makes it all the more important for us to smash the patriarchal construction of consent. It may very well mean a decrease in sex for many but no one has the right to sex. We are morally required to ensure the safety of others and that safety includes not violating bodily integrity.

Real consent can only be given when both parties are in possession of all the facts. It is that simple.

This is why I find the term "cotton ceiling" so disturbing. I understand the need for Trans* to self-organise to share stories of full disclosure and offer mutual support over a difficult issue, however the term "cotton ceiling" does not imply respectful discussions of consent and disclosure. The idea that lesbian women are somehow providing a barrier to sex which must be smashed just like the glass ceiling in employment sounds remarkably like denying women bodily integrity. The term itself implies a level of coercion; coercion removes consent. Lack of consent equals rape. This may not be what was meant when the term was first used but the implication is clearly there and it is supported by suggestions that lesbian women are "transphobic" for refusing to have sexual relationships with transwomen. 

Being sexually undesirable by someone who you fancy sexually is a horrible position to be in but no one has the right to sex and lesbians have the right to refuse to have sex with whomever they want. Everyone has the right to refuse sex whatever the reason. We need to have conversations about consent and disclosure but they must be done from a position of honesty. If  you cannot disclose the truth [whatever that may be] to the person you desire sexually, then you should not have sex with them. This is as valid for one night stands as it is for long-term relationships.

Email ThisBlogThis!Share to XShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
Posted in #maleviolence, #rapeculture, #silentnomore, Infertility, Male Entitlement, Male Violence, Patriarchy, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Violence | No comments
Newer Post Older Post Home

0 comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

Popular Posts

  • Anthony Kiedis: Moving from Sexiest Rocker to Creepy Old Man
    A friend sent me a link to these images because they know I'm a fan of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Apparently, they are from the Russian ...
  • #DickheadDetox : David Bowie, Jimmy Page and that Small Issue of Child Rape
    I won't be buying David Bowie's new album today. I've been a fan for years. Right up until I read this blog post on the 70s rock...
  • Flavor Flav is a member of the #DickheadDetox
    Flavor Flav , one of the founding members of Public Enemy has been arrested, again, for domestic violence. I have to be honest here and say ...
  • I am going to #RadFem2013.
    When I first wrote that I was going to RadFem2013 two months ago I did so with trepidation and fear because I knew what the reaction would ...
  • My Christmas Books for #readingonlybookswrittenbywomen
    These are the lovely books I got for Christmas: Rose Tremain's The Colour Rose Tremain's The Way I Found Her Maggie O'Farrell...
  • #TeamBreezy: Or, How to Spot Sexist Bucketheads on Twitter
    Twitter seems to be running a competition this past week entitled: Spot the Best Misogynist. The competition has been fierce with Chris Brow...
  • Things I Never Needed to Know as a Mother.
    You can wash the inside of Barbie's pink VW bug with a toothbrush after an entire can of Vimto was spilt in it and left to fester for se...
  • The Mumsnet Secret Santa: Thanking Those Women Who Have Changed Our Lives
    The Mumsnet Secret Santa has been going for several years now. It was started by members as a way of thanking others who had helped them b...
  • ​Don't let the Bank of England buy their way out of justice! Help spread the word!
    Below is a letter written by Caroline Criado-Perez of The Woman's Room UK asking for financial support in challenging the Bank of Englan...
  • If Men Want to Help:
    This is reblogged from Radical Wind: blowing through female outerspace If Men Want to Help: There’s been a bit of discussion lately about ho...

Categories

  • #BuyingOnlyMusicByWomen (2)
  • #celebrityculture (9)
  • #culturalfemicide (64)
  • #dickheaddetox (21)
  • #EverydaySexism (38)
  • #EverydayVictimBlaming (3)
  • #FeministFriendlyFilms (5)
  • #IBelieveHer (33)
  • #IDidNotReport (16)
  • #IWD (1)
  • #ListeningOnlyToMusicByWomen (6)
  • #maleviolence (24)
  • #RadFem2013 (5)
  • #rapeculture (84)
  • #ReadingOnlyBooksWrittenByWomen (60)
  • #shoutingback (4)
  • #silentnomore (16)
  • #SilentSunday (19)
  • #supportingwomenartists (7)
  • #waronwomen (87)
  • #WeBelieveYou (36)
  • Abortion (17)
  • Abortion Rights (4)
  • amenorrhea (4)
  • Benevolent Sexism (7)
  • Birth Control (9)
  • Black History Month (1)
  • Body-Shaming (2)
  • Boycott (21)
  • Breastfeeding (8)
  • Bullying Culture (4)
  • Canadian Literature (2)
  • capitalism (1)
  • Caroline Criado Perez (1)
  • Celebrity Culture (28)
  • celebrity endorsement (1)
  • Child abuse (13)
  • Child Maintenance (2)
  • Child Neglect (5)
  • Child Rape (19)
  • Childbirth (4)
  • childcare (1)
  • Children's Films (9)
  • children's literature (6)
  • Children's Movies (1)
  • Compulsory Heterosexuality (4)
  • Cultural Appropriation (4)
  • Cultural Femicide (66)
  • Disablism (11)
  • Divorce (1)
  • Domestic Violence (77)
  • Eating disorders (6)
  • Edinburgh Book Festival (3)
  • Everyday Sexism (4)
  • Exited Women (1)
  • Facebook (2)
  • Fairy Tales (5)
  • Family (1)
  • Family Annihilators (4)
  • fashion-beauty complex (34)
  • Fat-shaming (2)
  • Female Artists (8)
  • Female Genital Mutilation (4)
  • Femen (6)
  • Femicide (5)
  • feminism (123)
  • Feminist Activism (91)
  • Feminist Theory (11)
  • Fertility (1)
  • fibromyalgia (1)
  • Financial Abuse (1)
  • Free Speech (19)
  • Gender Stereotyping (10)
  • Gendercide (14)
  • Gendering Children (11)
  • Genocide (3)
  • Girl Guides (1)
  • Gun Control (1)
  • Halloween (1)
  • Handmaidens (16)
  • Handmaidesn (1)
  • Harmful Cultural Practises (27)
  • Hate Crime (1)
  • Healthcare (3)
  • Heteronormativity (4)
  • Holocaust (3)
  • Homophobia (5)
  • Housing Benefit (1)
  • Human Rights Watch (1)
  • Humanism (1)
  • Hyper-masculinity (22)
  • hyper-sexuality (22)
  • IBelieveHer (1)
  • Infertility (3)
  • Injunctions (2)
  • International Boycotts (1)
  • International Women's Day (1)
  • Intimate Partner Violence (5)
  • JumpMag (3)
  • Language (6)
  • Lesbian separatism (1)
  • Lesbians (1)
  • Lesbophobia (1)
  • literature (6)
  • Louise Mensch (1)
  • Male Entitlement (41)
  • Male Violence (27)
  • Male Violence Against Women (143)
  • manplaining (2)
  • Mass Media (4)
  • Menstruation (1)
  • military-industrial complex (4)
  • Million Women Rise (2)
  • Misandry (1)
  • Miscarriage (1)
  • Misogynistic Advertising (25)
  • Misogynistic Advertising Walk of Shame (27)
  • Misogyny (193)
  • Misogyny in Film (7)
  • Misogyny in Music (4)
  • Misogyny in television (5)
  • Mooncup (2)
  • Motherhood (1)
  • Mumsnet (19)
  • Music by women (3)
  • Netmums (1)
  • Neuroscience (1)
  • Neuroskeptic (1)
  • NIA (3)
  • Nincompoop (18)
  • Nincompoopery (6)
  • Nobel Peace Prize (1)
  • Objectification of Women (56)
  • Olympics (2)
  • Parenting (1)
  • Patriarchal Conformity (35)
  • Patriarchal Fuckability Test (47)
  • Patriarchy (64)
  • PETA (7)
  • Petition (4)
  • Pink Stinks (2)
  • PIV (2)
  • Polanski (2)
  • Porn Culture (16)
  • Pornography (18)
  • Poverty (9)
  • Pregnancy (1)
  • Prostitution (11)
  • Pussy Riot (8)
  • Racism (21)
  • Radical Feminism (19)
  • Rape (53)
  • Rape Crisis Scotland (2)
  • Rape Culture (95)
  • Rape Myths (5)
  • Reality Television (7)
  • Reclaim the Night (2)
  • Reproductive Rights (4)
  • Right to Privacy (2)
  • Roman Polanski (4)
  • School Uniforms (1)
  • Scotland (1)
  • sex entertainment industry (12)
  • Sex Tourism (1)
  • Sex Trafficking (2)
  • Sexist Advertising (16)
  • Sexual Harassment (3)
  • Sexual Violence (59)
  • Silent Sunday (2)
  • Sisterhood (8)
  • Slut-Shaming (17)
  • Slutwalk (3)
  • Stockholm Syndrome (1)
  • Substance Misuse (2)
  • Sudden Infant Death Syndrome [SIDS] (1)
  • teenage pregnancies (1)
  • The Women's Room UK (2)
  • Torture (2)
  • transactivism (1)
  • Transgenderism (2)
  • Transphobic (1)
  • Trident (1)
  • Twitter (2)
  • UK Feminsta (1)
  • Vagenda (1)
  • Vagina (3)
  • Victim Blaming (24)
  • Violence against Women (142)
  • Violence Against Women in Scotland (4)
  • War on Women (81)
  • Welfare State (6)
  • White Supremacy (4)
  • Womanism (2)
  • women (8)
  • Women Academics (1)
  • women and law (2)
  • Women Artists (2)
  • Women Athletes (2)
  • Women Bloggers (23)
  • Women in Prostitution (1)
  • Women Writers (67)
  • women-blaming culture (53)
  • women-only spaces (3)
  • Women's Films (2)
  • women's health (1)
  • Women's History (18)
  • Women's History Month (6)
  • Women's Holocaust Testimonies (1)
  • Women's Liberation (8)
  • Women's Library (1)
  • Women's Literature (24)
  • Women's Music (2)
  • Women's Poetry (7)
  • Women's Rights (17)
  • Women's Stories (5)
  • World Breastfeeding Week (1)
  • World Wildlife Federation (1)

Blog Archive

  • ▼  2013 (260)
    • ►  August (23)
    • ►  July (33)
    • ▼  June (31)
      • Consent, Disclosure and the Cotton Ceiling
      • Some personal reflections on two recent events inv...
      • Silent Sunday: Inspiring Blogs By Women
      • A Spectacular Piece of Victim-Blaming
      • Valid Excuses for Murdering your Wife and Child
      • If Men Want to Help:
      • Proposed Criminalisation of the Purchase of Sex (S...
      • Apparently, Charles Saatchi is just a "bore": The ...
      • Jeremy Forrest, Agency and Rape Culture
      • Liz Jones Attack on Rihanna is Pure Woman-Hating
      • Why Don't Perpetrators have Agency?
      • Feminist Art Club: Help a Sister Out
      • Silent Sunday: Inspiring Blogs!
      • Call it what it is — MALE violence against women
      • Things I Never Needed to Know as a Mother.
      • Eve Thomas, #OneVoice and How Not to Support a Sur...
      • ​Don't let the Bank of England buy their way out o...
      • Silent Sunday: Inspiring and Thought-Provoking Blogs
      • Reproductive male violence against women
      • Men Who Commit Domestic Violence Should Not be All...
      • TWR & The Feminists can campaign about more than O...
      • JumpMag: For Real Girls [which means all girls]
      • Castle: Apparently, "drunk" girls deserve what the...
      • Silent Sunday
      • Where I retract my statement: Louise Mensch isn't ...
      • Dear Hackney Gazette, Why the sudden change?
      • Nick Ross: There is no such thing as Child Porn
      • Silent Sunday Round-Up
      • This week in Missing the Point Completely: Maria M...
      • Deborah Orr: Ignoring the Obvious to Perpetuate My...
      • Louise Mensch is a Nincompoop: where I ignore my r...
    • ►  May (37)
    • ►  April (32)
    • ►  March (38)
    • ►  February (38)
    • ►  January (28)
  • ►  2012 (240)
    • ►  December (28)
    • ►  November (34)
    • ►  October (50)
    • ►  September (28)
    • ►  August (36)
    • ►  July (33)
    • ►  June (27)
    • ►  May (4)
Powered by Blogger.

About Me

Unknown
View my complete profile