RihannaMyElegant

  • Subscribe to our RSS feed.
  • Twitter
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • Facebook
  • Digg

Sunday, 16 June 2013

Eve Thomas, #OneVoice and How Not to Support a Survivor of DV

Posted on 14:49 by Unknown
SakuraAmelie asked me to post the following piece, written by her, about her experience with Eve Thomas of #OneVoice. The post is very long and I apologise for the difficulties with formatting but it is worth reading the whole post. 



The truth.

Eve Thomas has spent the last two days behaving quite disgracefully. She has accused me of several things, none of which are true.

These are the Direct Messages sent between us. I have put them in coversational order (ie she asks questions, I answer) because the chronological messages are a bit confusing. However, if anybody should wish to see the messages in chronological order I will happily provide them with a link.

There is also a twitlonger, which I will get to after the DM bit. Sigh.

So, to begin with, let's get one thing out of the way - Eve sent the first DM. And the second, actually. *I* did not contact *her*.


Please note that Eve requests that I email her, I never did as her aggressive attitude made me want to step away from her 'help'.

(I haven't blanked out Eve's email address because she makes it public in her tweetlonger and also her website.)

The reference to 'he' here is to my ex, please note that my explanation of his violence is historical - I use the past tense.


Erm, no, I don't have "another man". I have a current partner though.

All true. I was too afraid to hang up the Skype call, afraid he would go to the judge and tell her I prevented him from speaking to the children.


Here Eve requests information from me in order for her to contact the police - information I never gave her. Eve has stated that *I* asked *her* to contact the police. You can see here that this is not the case.


I don't think it is too much to ask that the man who has made a concerted effort to make me as miserable as possible for the last 8...getting on for 9 years has to take some responsibility for that. I think it is actually very important that he is made to see that his behaviour is terribly damaging.



Yes, clearly it *does* matter, I just explained how I felt about it.



Erm...nobody is being forced to donate anything. If they feel thay can spare something then great, if they cannot I certainly understand how they feel and do not think any the worse of them for it.

Also, as I explained to Eve above, I cannot get legal aid. We are not entitled to it. So the non-mol, the divorce, the access dispute, are all either going to be covered by donations or not at all. Having faced my abuser in court twice, without any representation (ie totally alone) I would rather try and scrape to pay for a solicitor with donations from strangers.



Erm, rude much? I have mentioned already that *we* can't afford to pay for a solicitor.

So....I'm not proud, independant or strong. Thanks for that.

BTW, "I'm not x but.." means you are, so you are causing offence and I suspect you know that.

Oh, and evidently I cannot hold my head high, nor do I have dignity or (self?) respect. Got it.


(self explanatory, I think)


Another offer of (or really, demand to let her) help - You can see I have asked for nothing.


It clearly *does* matter what the divorce says. I am telling her repeatedly that this is a big thing for me, and she is diminishing it!


I think I made my point there?


Great that Eve can know what is good for my children. I actually happen to agree with her on this point, it's just a shame that she can't see that it is *her* causing the stress! "trying to help the legal and moral way" So nice of you to imply that the simple act of setting up a legal fund is illegal and immoral!


Sorry, I'm confused, have I moved on, or am I holding on to the chains of my past which so heavily weigh me down?


Well, I guess that answers that then.



Another request from Eve for me to contact her.


Erm....what?

And again with the asking me to contact her.



Got every *what* set up? Are you as confused by this as I am?


Oh hell no! Did you just say you spoke to the police? On my behalf? Without checking with me first?!


I don't really know what you could say to the police, that he hurt me two years ago? That you don't actually know where I live, where he lives/is, what the hell is even going on?!

How can you 'make sure' the police now start taking me seriously? I have already discussed (and Eve evidently understood) the fact that I have been trying to get the police involved. So surely I have given them all the relevant information, and they have either decided that they don't need to be involved, or (hopefully) haven't gotten around to contacting me yet?




Yes, I *do* have to have money. The police, involved or not, are not solicitors.



I didn't say I was uncomfortable with you getting help, I questioned the validity and safety of your actions.




I didn't say he was stalking me (though I believe he is), I said my past was stalking me. You really need to be more careful to pay attention to what people are saying to you!

No, what is unfair is you misreading and twisting my words, putting words in my mouth, and trying to guilt-trip me for doing this my way and not yours!



Even if I *could* get Legal Aid for the divorce, or the non-mol order (which I can't), I don't see it being paid for protracted and difficult access disputes. So, again, IT ISN'T FREE!


Oh hell no, I have not and do not intend to, either!



Again, no, that is not what I said. I said he was violent once. One time. He 'only' ever actually physically hurt one child, once. And me, once. And you don't get to decide, Eve. You are not the Judge in the courtroom and from a relatively short DM conversation on twitter you cannot possibly have all the pertinent information.


Oh look, I corrected her there! She got it wrong and I put her straight. See how an honest person does that? Now pay attention to the next one, this is a doozy!


I'm sorry, can we see that again? I can't quite believe what I have just read!


Did she just suggest I defraud the benefits system by moving my partner out, in order to claim benefits and receive legal aid? And she has the audacity to keep implying that using a fundraising page is immoral?! I just cannot believe it.... I ....can we see that one more time please?



0.o

Moving on..

Oh, so it's okay for you to use gofund for your 'charity', but not for me to try and get justice. Oh, okay.

I really don't think I want your brand of help, thanks.


I've had enough. I do not wish to engage any further.



Either she doesn't realise that was what she was doing (which I doubt) or she just cannot believe I have called her out on it.



Yeah, that thing you just said?



So...yeah....move my boyfriend out (which means confusing and upsetting the children, would cost us a fortune we do not have and would actualy make our lives so much more difficult) and 'put the relationship on hold' in order to claim benefits and get legal aid. Right. Yeah, my setting up a donation page is *way* immoral in comparison to that!



So glad you know my boyfriend so well! And again with the knowing what is best for my children! Cos moving out the man I am having a healthy loving relationship with, in order to defraud the benefits system, would totally have no affect on them at all! It wouldn't send a confusing and damaging message, no sir!

Again with the implication that what I am doing is illegal (cos there cannot possibly be any other right way of doing things, can there Eve, not if it isn't *your* way). Yeah and putting kisses and 'honey' on the end of insults doesn't stop them being insults, it just makes you look fake as well as inaccurate.


Oh, and you may notice that I haven't actually refused anything. I have only responded and dared to question her actions.



Yeah, still not getting the point there.


I think I am pretty clear here.



IT ISN'T FREE! Just because you say a thing, doesn't mean it is so! Legal Aid is being torn apart, the rules are changing and it is MORE difficult to qualify for it. Do some research, please?! You are coming across as terribly ill-informed, and pretty pushy too, to say the least!

And give the emotional manipulation a rest too, you sound like an abuser.



I'm being polite here, by now I was starting to doubt that she had a clue what she was doing.



*head in hands, deep sigh*



I vaguely recollect mentioning this before. Did I say this already? You will let me know if I am repeating myself, won't you?



No, no it isn't.

I beg your pardon? Talk about self important, bossy.....This whole thing is about getting away from my ex in every way possible, and I am just supposed to "forget about the divorce"??!!



None of your bloody business. I have tried, so politely, to end this conversation twice already. I am not even answering this.



How is hiring legal representation *outside* of the justice system?

I don't want your help, Eve. You are belligerent and ignorant.



Way to imply I'm not in danger there. I think what you meant was "be a good little sheep and do things how I want them done cos I know best"



Yes Eve, what you are doing here, bullying a victim of domestic violence, is wrong. I just wish you could see that.



Yeah, see how words (and they way you put them together) means things?



Jeezus, how that sentence struck fear into my heart. FYI I am nobody's mission, thanks.



"You will be safe (my personal interperetation of the word) whether you like it or not!" I have seen no evidence of said safety, by the way. No police officers have visited my home, no Domestic Violence worker has called me on the phone.

Tired of repeating myself.



I have listened to you. How could I have responded to you so many times if I hadn't? Why can you not understand that you are factually inaccurate (you know, wrong), and that I don't want you interfering and possibly making things worse?

Yeah, this.


As if I am going to tell you! And again, you are speaking to agencies without my consent! Why is this such a difficult concept for you? You do not know my situation better than I do.

(The blanked name and location above came from my gofundme page. I talk about that in the twitlonger part below.)


You did just admit it again.


No, I didn't say they ignored me. I said I hadn't heard anything back from them yet. Not the same thing. And I am not your honey.



Now there is this weird bit, which started in the Twitter timeline, and spilled over into DM's.

I was asked, by a good friend, if I had considered deleting the above conversation. I replied that I wasn't going to consider it before I had screen-capped the lot, as Eve was already twisting things and lying. She then asked me (something along the lines of) "If you have nothing to hide why do you want to delete the messages" (I am paraphrasing, I blocked Eve after this so I can't actually see the original tweet anymore).

My reply..



Eve responded to this by attempting (badly) to subtweet about me.




Jeepers, I only hope you can do no more, you've already done more than enough!!

So, now I block, and think and hope that this very surreal conversation is done, that this is over with, and that I can get on with trying to secure funding for my legal whatnottery.

Nope. Eve isn't quite finished yet! She has this gem, sent out via twitlonger to several of my friends directly:
  • Eve Thomas TwitLonger, 14 June 2013
In that twitlonger you will see that Eve kindly puts the word victim in inverted commas every time she refers to me, this is a clear attemp to discredit me and is damaging and hurtful. Also, it is totally unnecessary.

Eve states several times that I contacted her, went to her asking for help, which you can see above is patently untrue. Yes, I did follow Eve a few weeks ago, and yes we did briefly message. I never asked her for money though, I believe I made a joke about a lottery win. I did unfollow her because I found her habit of retweeting every interaction, and constant spamming with the one voice hashtag, to be annoying. I did not block her then though (why would I need to, unfollowing was fine).

I have never "changed my story", only honestly answered Eve's questions. She has taken them out of conversational flow and context though, to make it look as though I am fabricating my account of abuse, which is both cruel and vindictive.

With reguard to my location being on the gofund page, I was asked to input a location when I was setting the page up, I did so not realising that it would be visible on the page. As soon as it was brought to my attention, I emailed the gofund helpdesk and they kindly removed it for me.

Yes, my paypal account is in a different name. That is the name I had when I set up the account around 7 years ago. I have changed my name since then but not gotten around to changing it on the paypal account. I don't think it is too difficult to imagine why somebody who is trying to escape Domestic 

Violence might change their name, or put up a cartoon avatar instead of a photo of themselves. Eve's insinuation that my motives for doing these things are less than honest shows that she has a dangerous lack of understanding, and seems willfully vicious.

Again and again Eve states that I asked for her help, that I asked her to contact the police, and you can see from the direct messages above that this is a blatant lie. Eve likes to present herself as an expert and an advocate for DV survivors but her ill-considered attempt to 'help' by calling the police broke trust and confidentiality AND could very well have put my life in danger (not to mention the lives of my children) and is incredibly bad practise too. As for the claim that she hd access to/was being informed about any information held by police, I seriously doubt any police officer would endanger their career in such a way by violating police policy.

Here is Cath's twitlonger response, just for reference:

Eve Thomas describes herself as a survivor of domestic abuse and claims to support and assist other survivors 'stay safe.'

It appears that eve has attempted to 'help' several women on twitter who have experience domestic abuse & a worrying pattern has emerged. She admits that she has contacted the police force local to certain women without their consent or permission & without any concern that she may be putting them at significant risk.

Please be aware of the following information:

· Eve has been offered specialist DV training three times by local domestic violence organisations & refused it.

· She is promoting a bank service for women to log incidents but is not registered with data protection which is illegal.

· Eve Thomas Foundation is not registered with the charity commission or anywhere else.

· Information shared is not confidential.

· Domestic violence organisations and Women's Services are aware and highly concerned about her approach.



There are a number of well established organisations that are trained experts in supporting victims/survivors of domestic abuse. Please contact them if you need support.

Cath is an expert in her field, she knows what she is taking about.

I never panicked about anything, though Eve's questionable behaviour does cause me great concern, and nobody attacked her. My friends, quite understandably, defended me and in due course became very concerned about her conduct themselves. Conduct like revealing the full name of a DV victim which is very, very dangerous. Though I cannot speak for this person I have found her to be kind and passionate about raising awareness of DV. She really doesn't seem to want any kind of witch hunt, in my opinion.

Also, where is Eve's charitable status? If her book is already being bought, where is the proof that the charities she is claiming to donate proceeds to are actually receiving anything?

What a sorry mess.


Email ThisBlogThis!Share to XShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest
Posted in Domestic Violence, Victim Blaming, Violence against Women | No comments
Newer Post Older Post Home

0 comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

Popular Posts

  • Anthony Kiedis: Moving from Sexiest Rocker to Creepy Old Man
    A friend sent me a link to these images because they know I'm a fan of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Apparently, they are from the Russian ...
  • #DickheadDetox : David Bowie, Jimmy Page and that Small Issue of Child Rape
    I won't be buying David Bowie's new album today. I've been a fan for years. Right up until I read this blog post on the 70s rock...
  • Flavor Flav is a member of the #DickheadDetox
    Flavor Flav , one of the founding members of Public Enemy has been arrested, again, for domestic violence. I have to be honest here and say ...
  • I am going to #RadFem2013.
    When I first wrote that I was going to RadFem2013 two months ago I did so with trepidation and fear because I knew what the reaction would ...
  • My Christmas Books for #readingonlybookswrittenbywomen
    These are the lovely books I got for Christmas: Rose Tremain's The Colour Rose Tremain's The Way I Found Her Maggie O'Farrell...
  • #TeamBreezy: Or, How to Spot Sexist Bucketheads on Twitter
    Twitter seems to be running a competition this past week entitled: Spot the Best Misogynist. The competition has been fierce with Chris Brow...
  • Things I Never Needed to Know as a Mother.
    You can wash the inside of Barbie's pink VW bug with a toothbrush after an entire can of Vimto was spilt in it and left to fester for se...
  • The Mumsnet Secret Santa: Thanking Those Women Who Have Changed Our Lives
    The Mumsnet Secret Santa has been going for several years now. It was started by members as a way of thanking others who had helped them b...
  • ​Don't let the Bank of England buy their way out of justice! Help spread the word!
    Below is a letter written by Caroline Criado-Perez of The Woman's Room UK asking for financial support in challenging the Bank of Englan...
  • If Men Want to Help:
    This is reblogged from Radical Wind: blowing through female outerspace If Men Want to Help: There’s been a bit of discussion lately about ho...

Categories

  • #BuyingOnlyMusicByWomen (2)
  • #celebrityculture (9)
  • #culturalfemicide (64)
  • #dickheaddetox (21)
  • #EverydaySexism (38)
  • #EverydayVictimBlaming (3)
  • #FeministFriendlyFilms (5)
  • #IBelieveHer (33)
  • #IDidNotReport (16)
  • #IWD (1)
  • #ListeningOnlyToMusicByWomen (6)
  • #maleviolence (24)
  • #RadFem2013 (5)
  • #rapeculture (84)
  • #ReadingOnlyBooksWrittenByWomen (60)
  • #shoutingback (4)
  • #silentnomore (16)
  • #SilentSunday (19)
  • #supportingwomenartists (7)
  • #waronwomen (87)
  • #WeBelieveYou (36)
  • Abortion (17)
  • Abortion Rights (4)
  • amenorrhea (4)
  • Benevolent Sexism (7)
  • Birth Control (9)
  • Black History Month (1)
  • Body-Shaming (2)
  • Boycott (21)
  • Breastfeeding (8)
  • Bullying Culture (4)
  • Canadian Literature (2)
  • capitalism (1)
  • Caroline Criado Perez (1)
  • Celebrity Culture (28)
  • celebrity endorsement (1)
  • Child abuse (13)
  • Child Maintenance (2)
  • Child Neglect (5)
  • Child Rape (19)
  • Childbirth (4)
  • childcare (1)
  • Children's Films (9)
  • children's literature (6)
  • Children's Movies (1)
  • Compulsory Heterosexuality (4)
  • Cultural Appropriation (4)
  • Cultural Femicide (66)
  • Disablism (11)
  • Divorce (1)
  • Domestic Violence (77)
  • Eating disorders (6)
  • Edinburgh Book Festival (3)
  • Everyday Sexism (4)
  • Exited Women (1)
  • Facebook (2)
  • Fairy Tales (5)
  • Family (1)
  • Family Annihilators (4)
  • fashion-beauty complex (34)
  • Fat-shaming (2)
  • Female Artists (8)
  • Female Genital Mutilation (4)
  • Femen (6)
  • Femicide (5)
  • feminism (123)
  • Feminist Activism (91)
  • Feminist Theory (11)
  • Fertility (1)
  • fibromyalgia (1)
  • Financial Abuse (1)
  • Free Speech (19)
  • Gender Stereotyping (10)
  • Gendercide (14)
  • Gendering Children (11)
  • Genocide (3)
  • Girl Guides (1)
  • Gun Control (1)
  • Halloween (1)
  • Handmaidens (16)
  • Handmaidesn (1)
  • Harmful Cultural Practises (27)
  • Hate Crime (1)
  • Healthcare (3)
  • Heteronormativity (4)
  • Holocaust (3)
  • Homophobia (5)
  • Housing Benefit (1)
  • Human Rights Watch (1)
  • Humanism (1)
  • Hyper-masculinity (22)
  • hyper-sexuality (22)
  • IBelieveHer (1)
  • Infertility (3)
  • Injunctions (2)
  • International Boycotts (1)
  • International Women's Day (1)
  • Intimate Partner Violence (5)
  • JumpMag (3)
  • Language (6)
  • Lesbian separatism (1)
  • Lesbians (1)
  • Lesbophobia (1)
  • literature (6)
  • Louise Mensch (1)
  • Male Entitlement (41)
  • Male Violence (27)
  • Male Violence Against Women (143)
  • manplaining (2)
  • Mass Media (4)
  • Menstruation (1)
  • military-industrial complex (4)
  • Million Women Rise (2)
  • Misandry (1)
  • Miscarriage (1)
  • Misogynistic Advertising (25)
  • Misogynistic Advertising Walk of Shame (27)
  • Misogyny (193)
  • Misogyny in Film (7)
  • Misogyny in Music (4)
  • Misogyny in television (5)
  • Mooncup (2)
  • Motherhood (1)
  • Mumsnet (19)
  • Music by women (3)
  • Netmums (1)
  • Neuroscience (1)
  • Neuroskeptic (1)
  • NIA (3)
  • Nincompoop (18)
  • Nincompoopery (6)
  • Nobel Peace Prize (1)
  • Objectification of Women (56)
  • Olympics (2)
  • Parenting (1)
  • Patriarchal Conformity (35)
  • Patriarchal Fuckability Test (47)
  • Patriarchy (64)
  • PETA (7)
  • Petition (4)
  • Pink Stinks (2)
  • PIV (2)
  • Polanski (2)
  • Porn Culture (16)
  • Pornography (18)
  • Poverty (9)
  • Pregnancy (1)
  • Prostitution (11)
  • Pussy Riot (8)
  • Racism (21)
  • Radical Feminism (19)
  • Rape (53)
  • Rape Crisis Scotland (2)
  • Rape Culture (95)
  • Rape Myths (5)
  • Reality Television (7)
  • Reclaim the Night (2)
  • Reproductive Rights (4)
  • Right to Privacy (2)
  • Roman Polanski (4)
  • School Uniforms (1)
  • Scotland (1)
  • sex entertainment industry (12)
  • Sex Tourism (1)
  • Sex Trafficking (2)
  • Sexist Advertising (16)
  • Sexual Harassment (3)
  • Sexual Violence (59)
  • Silent Sunday (2)
  • Sisterhood (8)
  • Slut-Shaming (17)
  • Slutwalk (3)
  • Stockholm Syndrome (1)
  • Substance Misuse (2)
  • Sudden Infant Death Syndrome [SIDS] (1)
  • teenage pregnancies (1)
  • The Women's Room UK (2)
  • Torture (2)
  • transactivism (1)
  • Transgenderism (2)
  • Transphobic (1)
  • Trident (1)
  • Twitter (2)
  • UK Feminsta (1)
  • Vagenda (1)
  • Vagina (3)
  • Victim Blaming (24)
  • Violence against Women (142)
  • Violence Against Women in Scotland (4)
  • War on Women (81)
  • Welfare State (6)
  • White Supremacy (4)
  • Womanism (2)
  • women (8)
  • Women Academics (1)
  • women and law (2)
  • Women Artists (2)
  • Women Athletes (2)
  • Women Bloggers (23)
  • Women in Prostitution (1)
  • Women Writers (67)
  • women-blaming culture (53)
  • women-only spaces (3)
  • Women's Films (2)
  • women's health (1)
  • Women's History (18)
  • Women's History Month (6)
  • Women's Holocaust Testimonies (1)
  • Women's Liberation (8)
  • Women's Library (1)
  • Women's Literature (24)
  • Women's Music (2)
  • Women's Poetry (7)
  • Women's Rights (17)
  • Women's Stories (5)
  • World Breastfeeding Week (1)
  • World Wildlife Federation (1)

Blog Archive

  • ▼  2013 (260)
    • ►  August (23)
    • ►  July (33)
    • ▼  June (31)
      • Consent, Disclosure and the Cotton Ceiling
      • Some personal reflections on two recent events inv...
      • Silent Sunday: Inspiring Blogs By Women
      • A Spectacular Piece of Victim-Blaming
      • Valid Excuses for Murdering your Wife and Child
      • If Men Want to Help:
      • Proposed Criminalisation of the Purchase of Sex (S...
      • Apparently, Charles Saatchi is just a "bore": The ...
      • Jeremy Forrest, Agency and Rape Culture
      • Liz Jones Attack on Rihanna is Pure Woman-Hating
      • Why Don't Perpetrators have Agency?
      • Feminist Art Club: Help a Sister Out
      • Silent Sunday: Inspiring Blogs!
      • Call it what it is — MALE violence against women
      • Things I Never Needed to Know as a Mother.
      • Eve Thomas, #OneVoice and How Not to Support a Sur...
      • ​Don't let the Bank of England buy their way out o...
      • Silent Sunday: Inspiring and Thought-Provoking Blogs
      • Reproductive male violence against women
      • Men Who Commit Domestic Violence Should Not be All...
      • TWR & The Feminists can campaign about more than O...
      • JumpMag: For Real Girls [which means all girls]
      • Castle: Apparently, "drunk" girls deserve what the...
      • Silent Sunday
      • Where I retract my statement: Louise Mensch isn't ...
      • Dear Hackney Gazette, Why the sudden change?
      • Nick Ross: There is no such thing as Child Porn
      • Silent Sunday Round-Up
      • This week in Missing the Point Completely: Maria M...
      • Deborah Orr: Ignoring the Obvious to Perpetuate My...
      • Louise Mensch is a Nincompoop: where I ignore my r...
    • ►  May (37)
    • ►  April (32)
    • ►  March (38)
    • ►  February (38)
    • ►  January (28)
  • ►  2012 (240)
    • ►  December (28)
    • ►  November (34)
    • ►  October (50)
    • ►  September (28)
    • ►  August (36)
    • ►  July (33)
    • ►  June (27)
    • ►  May (4)
Powered by Blogger.

About Me

Unknown
View my complete profile